I Remember Christmas Came Early 2007

[mesmie]

On the first of December
you smiled a lovers smile,
drank her in across the room.
Red wine loosened the tongue,
the table top drummed to our laughter.

You told silly jokes
pulled from a snap.
Party popped in red,
her lips shone only for you.

Red's a colour you know too well
I watched you move to the 'other.'
You said. "There's great beauty
if you look hard enough."

Does Christmas come
when the Taliban stop,
kneel down to pray?

I know you've seen others
dressed in red.
Unlucky the bootneck that dies
when he pulls the wrong shift.
Unluckier still the child.

You told me.
"Not all poppies are red.
Brown green the money makers,
fast flows the white powdered habit.
Don't walk on the fields,
don't walk on the fields."

A lifetime away
farmers cried a poor man's dream.
And we?
Well, we opened another red.

[barrie]

I think this is really good - I liked the half rhyme of tongue and drummed in V1.
Not to keen on fine red wine - I know it sounds good, but it also sounds good on the thousands of wine lists that also use it - red wine would be better.

Party popped in red
her lips shone only for you. - comma after red

when he pulls the wrong shift.
unluckier still the child. - Either a colon after shift, or upper case U in Unluckier.

farmers cried a poor mans dream. - poor man's.

Excellent.

Barrie

[mesmie]

hi

Thanks Barrie, I have adjusted those little mistakes...one day I shall be good at punctuation <sighs> but until then

[Merlin]

Mes

This is great, loved it....

Will have to come back to it for some comments but thought I would say I enjoyed the read before that...

nice one...

[Danté]

mesmie

You have some great ideas in the transition of this poem.
I really enjoyed the read and the way you have delivered your content.

very enjoyable

Danté

[mesmie]

I think this is really good - I liked the half rhyme of tongue and drummed in V1.
Not to keen on fine red wine - I know it sounds good, but it also sounds good on the thousands of wine lists that also use it - red wine would be better.

Party popped in red
her lips shone only for you. - comma after red

when he pulls the wrong shift.
unluckier still the child. - Either a colon after shift, or upper case U in Unluckier.

farmers cried a poor mans dream. - poor man's.

Excellent.

Barrie

thanks Barrie I have put in those suggestions. Punctuation, oh sheesh I don't do well at that.

thanks for the positives on this one. (to be honest the rhyme of tongue and drummed was not intentional)

[mesmie]

Mes

This is great, loved it....

Will have to come back to it for some comments but thought I would say I enjoyed the read before that...

nice one...

Mer

dheers for that would appreciate it if you have any ideas to improve..


Mx

[mesmie]

mesmie

You have some great ideas in the transition of this poem.
I really enjoyed the read and the way you have delivered your content.

very enjoyable

Danté

Thanks Dante so pleased you found this ok.


Mx