Revised
There was a young boy from France,
who wore some enormous pants,
the window blew through,
a hippo walked through,
what is it with boys and their pants?
Original
There was a young boy from France,
who wore some enormous pants,
the window blew through,
a hippo walked through,
what is it with boys and pants?
Pants (Revised)
Last edited by jms on Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Ahumm... But what about the hippo?
The hippo walked into the room,
he grew and he grew and he grew,
his belt it got tight,
his belly took fright,
and out through the window he flew.
The hippo walked into the room,
he grew and he grew and he grew,
his belt it got tight,
his belly took fright,
and out through the window he flew.
"Pants" Really I had to take a peek to see what this contains..........
And like pants, a pair no less............two poems.
Mmm.......the first is quite sweet, although you really must slip another syllable in the last line.
I prefer the second, although a twisted little part of me anticipated more of a mess in the closing lines...
Thank you for making smile twice in a few minutes................
Dalena x
And like pants, a pair no less............two poems.
Mmm.......the first is quite sweet, although you really must slip another syllable in the last line.
I prefer the second, although a twisted little part of me anticipated more of a mess in the closing lines...
Thank you for making smile twice in a few minutes................
Dalena x
Life is one good lick away from being naughty
No problem, cheers! 
I think it to be a very valid exercise working with such forms.
Several poems I have written are worked around this 8-8-5-5-8 with varying rhyme patterns.
It's school playground recital form to my mind and has been used for countless funny jokey tales.
By the way, you are a syllable short in the last line.
"what is it with boys and their pants" ?
Good to have a chuckle with some light hearted rhyme
Thanks
Danté
Several poems I have written are worked around this 8-8-5-5-8 with varying rhyme patterns.
It's school playground recital form to my mind and has been used for countless funny jokey tales.
By the way, you are a syllable short in the last line.
"what is it with boys and their pants" ?
Good to have a chuckle with some light hearted rhyme
Thanks
Danté
Last edited by Danté on Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Tim,
Yes, lots of fun to play with. With the first one I spotted the 'syllable short' in the last line, but it kind of felt right to me. Probably mistakenly... I think I'll change it!
Cheers,
Jon
Yes, lots of fun to play with. With the first one I spotted the 'syllable short' in the last line, but it kind of felt right to me. Probably mistakenly... I think I'll change it!
Cheers,
Jon
There, I've updated my pants!
Thank you!