Leaving
The golden russet tones of autumn leaves,
Burn against the leaden skies
Once summer trees proud Green sleeves,
Produce memorable goodbyes
Strange, how something that can give such pleasure,
Marks the end of life, a season’s measure.
Leaving
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zootsuitmod
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 12:50 pm
- Location: Our Pier burnt down.
[center]A poem will always find someone for whom it works and to whom it means something [/center]
Zoot,
You have chosen a subject which is like writing about love, its been done to death by countless poets.
Sleeves seems a little forced to me and is not a brilliant metaphor although just about adequate, kind of reminds me of green-sleeves. Russet is a definite cliché in Autumn poetry. Aside from that, the poem is quite well put together and flows nicely. I personally think one has to find a quirky or unexpected angle from which to tackle this subject. I have felt compelled to write Autumn at times too, but having not hit upon what feels like a radical idea with which to form the basis of a poem I have refrained.
I enjoyed the poem, but have to give you my honest opinion above, which is intended to be helpful.
Many thanks
Danté
You have chosen a subject which is like writing about love, its been done to death by countless poets.
Sleeves seems a little forced to me and is not a brilliant metaphor although just about adequate, kind of reminds me of green-sleeves. Russet is a definite cliché in Autumn poetry. Aside from that, the poem is quite well put together and flows nicely. I personally think one has to find a quirky or unexpected angle from which to tackle this subject. I have felt compelled to write Autumn at times too, but having not hit upon what feels like a radical idea with which to form the basis of a poem I have refrained.
I enjoyed the poem, but have to give you my honest opinion above, which is intended to be helpful.
Many thanks
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
This is well put together, it flows like a dream.........nice one...
Although must echo Dave's comments about the unoriginality....It's a difficult subject to be original about for sure as it's been done to death...but maybe trying some different words may help!
Nice one
Although must echo Dave's comments about the unoriginality....It's a difficult subject to be original about for sure as it's been done to death...but maybe trying some different words may help!
Nice one