Enter Drain

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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jms
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Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:07 am

Where did he come from,
and when did he get here
nobody knows -
Drain,
the Wayne with no name.

Dressed in red beret,
and the t-shirt that reads,
'I love New York' -
Drain,
the Wayne with no name.

What then is your name,
is it meant to rhyme with
Spain? Well is it -
Drain,
the Wayne with no name?

Yes I came from Spain,
and my name isn't Wayne,
I'm watching you
still.
What is my name? Drain!

So Beware.
Mickpjb
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Mon Nov 17, 2008 3:17 pm

Liked this, could almost be tweaked to read to my two boys.

Mick
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jms
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Mon Nov 17, 2008 3:31 pm

As you've as you've got a Drain / Wayne sort of rhyme. Must admit this one is probably a bit of an in-joke between myself and my children... Glad you enjoyed it!

Cheers,

Jon
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Danté
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Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:16 pm

Jon,

This kind of stuff seems to be your comfort zone. S2 I thought was a cracker with the half rhyme change from ed to ea, ed to new, then broken, with ork before returning to the wayne sounds. That seems to work very nicely here. You seem quite prolific of late, good to see it.

All the best

Tim
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Lake
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Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:03 am

Jon,

It's entertaining, and that's why I'm inclined to take the title as entertain. :)
You are gifted at writing the light-hearted stuff.

Thanks for the read.

Lake
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jms
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Tue Nov 18, 2008 8:27 am

Tim / Lake,

Many thanks both for the kind words - glad you enjoyed it!

Tim - yes, I'm finding that if I mix it up a bit, trying a variety of different forms / genres, that I'm coming up with more ideas.

Cheers,

Jon
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