In the event of a global crisis... (a pantoum)

[Raisin]

In the event of a global crisis... (a Pantoum)

The dusty golden land at California's feet
will cringe and quake in fear once more.
As masses of hysterical men from Wall Street
lumber over in haste, eager for rich soil.

Will cringe and shake in fear once more,
from those who forgot the true reality.
Lumber over in haste, eager for rich soil
that has never been there. Empty.

From those who forgot the true reality,
carried on, doggedly digging for wealth,
that has never been there, empty.
But it has to be there, right? It must be.

Carried on, doggedly digging for wealth,
toiling in the sun while joints cracked.
But it has to be there, right? It must be!
Otherwise, I really think we're screwed.

Toiling in the sun while joints cracked,
while back in limey land, we roll our eyes.
"Otherwise I really think we're screwed."
It's nothing to be worried about.

While back in limey land, we roll our eyes.
All the while reaching for our spades.
It's nothing to be worried about,
but what's up with you, Woolworths?

All the while reaching for our spades,
to smash the glass, turn it to sand.
But what's up with you, Woolworths?
Bury our heads, until the figures add up.

To smash the glass, turn it to sand.
Throw it in the eyes of these useless bankers,
bury our heads until the figures add up.
Sell houses and stock up the supermarkets!

Throw it in the eyes of these useless bankers,
forget the enviroment, where's our money?!
Sell houses and stock up the supermarkets!
But don't worry, it'll all be over soon.

The dusty golden land at California's feet,
as masses of hysterical men from Wall Street
bang on the locked doors, it shakes in fear.
They won't get let in, left outside in the heat.

So what if there's no money?

[David]

Is this a pantoum, raisin? I'm not very good on forms, which is one reason why I almost bought Stephen Fry's "The Ode Less Travelled" yesterday, but I can see the repetition.

The whole thing - the situation, not your poem - is a bloody great mess, isn't it. I think you've nailed it here.

Cheers

David

[Raisin]

Thankyou very much David, yes it is a pantoum, or at least I hope it is! It is a pretty complicated structure and I spent a while researching, my french came in handy quite a bit I like Stephen Fry a lot, he's great on QI.

Thanks again
Raisin

[galaxy13]

Raisin,

I enjoyed the read, also the form of the poem itself!
I'm interested in learning about all the different forms of poems, I never realised there were so many different ways to write poetry, it's giving me some ideas and food for thought with future offerings....!!

Galaxy

[David]

What is it with Stephen Fry and teenage girls? My daughter thinks he's great as well, especially on QI. Maybe it's the big clever cuddly unthreatening aspect.

[Raisin]

Thanks Galaxy, glad you want to look at different forms as well

David, I think it's because of his lovely plummy English voice, and he's very funny as well. Also I like Hugh Laurie (blame Aunty Sneaker), those two are great together.

Raisin

[Danté]

Raisin

Well done with the form, and very topical subject.
I thought you chose some very good points to work into the poem.
Perhaps when you have a few minutes to spare you might like to write the whole thing in ten syllable lines of iambic pentameter. (just kidding)

Seriously though, these forms can be difficult to write while maintaining enough reader interest to get them through the whole piece. You have done well with this.

Thanks for the read

Danté

[Raisin]

Thanks Dante, iambic pentameter indeed! I thought it was a good thing to write about seeing as there is so much talk of the credit crunch at the moment, I am very glad I don't have to pay taxes or anything like that
Getting the form right was a struggle but I think I got there in the end!

Thanks again for reading and commenting
Raisin

[sneaker]

Hi Raisin,
Wow! congrats on finishing this let alone the fact it's actually very good. I wrote a Pantoum once, and the fact that I've never posted it I think speaks volumes!!
I tough form to follow and that you've done it and it's not too forced and constrained is a real acheivement, well done.
By the by, I've got The Ode Less Travelled, it's brilliant, Stephen Fry explains some really complex poetical terms and not only makes it clear but entertaining too!
Cheers,
Sneaker
PS Sorry not too have been around much, inspiration seems to have died at the mo

[Raisin]

Hi Sneaks, thanks for commenting It took a bit of effort on my part not to give up on the bloody thing, it was a bit fiddly, and also I deleted the whole thing by mistake when I was about to post! I could have cried This book by Stephen Fry sounds very interesting, I may look it up.

Thanks again and nice to see you on the site, hope you get some inspiration for a poem soon, how about one about your struggles to concentrate on work with all the distractions in the background?

Raisin