Human nature

[arunansu]

Edited:

Pluck a flower, sever a familial bond
with a smile. The mute victims will never bleed.
You will never be accused, possibly,
for such artistic harshness.
I shall admire your floral arrangement,
but we'll turn away in horror
from watching the scenes of mayhem
in Mumbai.

Original:

Pluck a flower, sever a familial bond
with a smile. The mute victims will never bleed.
No probe will ever accuse you
for such creative harshness.
I shall admire your floral arrangement,
but we'll turn away in horror
from watching the scenes of mayhem
in Mumbai.

[Danté]

Aru

A very topical peice, I think you might need to take a look at "severe" which I take to be "sever" as in cut.
I thought "probe" felt a little out of place in amongst the surrounding words, maybe insight or similar would feel a little more in keeping. It's a poignant poem and thoughtfully constructed as always.

Thanks for a thoughtful read

all the best

Tim

[arunansu]

Thanks Dante.Sorry for the typo.

[pitseleh]

its arun isnt it?

yeh like tim said a poignant message here. your capacity for short poems is exceptional. teach me! the part you changed from the original seems a bit rushed. i agree it needed changing but as i say, "You will never be accused, possibly" doesnt sit right with me. As usual you have me admiring your word selection;

Pluck a flower, sever a familial bond
with a smile

is beautiful. nice one
Harrison

[Leigh]

I imagine a summer sunset, a famers wife standing in a well lit full pantrykneeding dough for a shepheards pie whilst singing this softly to herself, but there is something in her eye, something a little to vital, something more alive than it should be

[oranggunung]

Aru

The subject matter is clear, but the way in which you address it is confusing. Is the flower arranger a terrorist? Are you saying terrorism is art, but not for those with a weak stomach?

The death and beauty images in the first half of the poem are not maintained. The last three lines are direct reporting, but the change from ‘I’ (line 5) to ‘we’ (line 6) is interesting.

Terrible acts were committed and it seems right to condemn them or report them as ‘horrors’. I just can’t decide if that’s what’s being said here.


og

[arunansu]

Thans Leigh, Harrison.

Dear Og,
You are right. What I meant was we seem to care only about the loss of humans, we care about beauty, but do we ever care for the flowers/animals? Terrorists are not born,but made. It is said human beings have inherited such voilence, such barbaric attitudes from prehistoric times. It's no good to shy away from scenes of horror, rather, the need is to eradicate violence from our minds. Don't know how that will be possible, though.

Dear Harrison,
I shall think when I 'll come back to this.

Thanks.

[LaMOi]

i thought pluck a flower like pluck a life... And flowers as in death, a funeral...

''artistic harhness'' not sure about this phrase. And you said we care about humans but "but do we ever care for the flowers/animals?" Eh? Was someones hamster killed in the Mumbai massacre aswell..?