Manchester (Revised)

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Manchester

I wish I was there with you
The people I hold most dear
On a hot summer day like the ones we knew
In a pub with open doors and windows
Enjoying cool early afternoon drinks

With bare arms and shins
Shades on the table, laughing
Memories rising on a warm current
That drifts inward from lively city streets
Time is on our side again
I can finally trust the hours

And out there our clear blue sky
Has been expertly framed
With a border of tall buildings standing proud
Sturdy walls wherever I look reassure me
That in this seamless golden place
The moments we become can never escape us

I’m safe here and happy
With those who know me best
In a place I have a right to call home
We’ll find some grass designated to lie on
And breathe deep nostalgia
Just like that

__________________

Manchester (Old version)

I wish I was there with you
The people I hold most dear
On a hot summer day like the ones we knew
In a pub with open doors and windows
Enjoying cool early afternoon drinks

With bare arms and shins
Shades on the table, laughing
Memories rising on a warm current
That drifts inward from lively city streets
Time is on our side now
We’ll have forever

And out there our clear blue sky
Has been expertly framed
With a border of tall buildings standing proud
Sturdy walls wherever I look reassure me
That in this seamless golden place
Our precious moments can never slip away again

I’m safe here and happy
With those who know me best
In a place I have a right to call home
We’ll find some grass designated to lie on
And breathe deep nostalgia
Just like that

[barrie]

We’ll find some grass designated to lie on

- There's a bit in St Peter's Square and some more in Picadilly - Is there any more around the city centre these days - Most of the grass is designated for smoking.
I used to go and sit outside the Mark Addy on sunny Saturdays - I hear the beer's gone downhill lately.
I had some good times in Manchester, especially in the Sixties - this is a good reminder.

Barrie

[Accolade]

Hi mate,

Cool poem. I particularly liked the last 2 lines. Its been a while since Ive been to manchester.

[Oskar]

Put your tin hat on, Philip - I like it.

We had joy, we had fun. We had seasons in the sun...

This is really good. It's a poem that pushes all the right nostalgic buttons for those of us confined to the barrack block of matrimonial bliss.

Only one little nit. I'm hearing Tommy Cooper deliver your last line.

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Put your tin hat on, Philip - I like it.

We had joy, we had fun. We had seasons in the sun...

This is really good. It's a poem that pushes all the right nostalgic buttons for those of us confined to the barrack block of matrimonial bliss.

Only one little nit. I'm hearing Tommy Cooper deliver your last line.

I never thought of that but you've made me hear it too!!
It was meant to be so it would sound like, we'd do it, just like I've said and it would all go off without a hitch!

Barrie -

I had the piece of grass near the Urbis in mind, but then Manchester is full of little grass islands, so it's pretty much take your pick!

I don't live in Manchester anymore, but this poem is really my hope to go back there with all of my friends and re-live old times! I really miss it! I truly believe it to be the best city in the world!

That's why you wont catch me writing poetry like this about Norwich!!

Thanks for the kind words guys! I hope I brought back fond memories for all of you!

P.S. On the beer side of things we'll always have a good old creamy pint of Boddie's to remind us!

[mesmie]

yup


Pushed the right buttons for me too....Enjoy visiting Manchester...

neat write


Mx

[arunansu]

Pretty cool write, Philip. I liked S3 the most. The ending was too good.Nothing more to add.Enjoyed.
-Arunansu

[k-j]

Yeah, I like this too. Surprised I'm the only one put off by "our precious moments can never slip away again" - that line's a stinker!

I spy an errant apostrophe in line 3. Not sure about "time is on our side now / we'll have forever" - rather drab I reckon.

But the poem does what it's trying to: it puts me in Manchester on a sunny afternoon. In general I like the relaxed, honest tone.

[El Wow!]

thought this was quite lovely, a well knitted scene
El

[Suzanne]

Phil,

I really enjoyed this! Supuerb.

Hate the line about moments never slip away.
Love, love, love the "just like that" ending! Did you snap your fingers as you wrote it?

Great,
Suzanne

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Thanks for the comments guys!

It seems nobody likes
"Our precious moments can never slip away again"

Can anybody give me a bit of insight as to why? I can't really see what about it has evoked such a bad reaction!

Many thanks
Phil

[k-j]

"Our precious moments can never slip away again"

Can anybody give me a bit of insight as to why? I can't really see what about it has evoked such a bad reaction!

It's corny - like something from a pulp romance novel or a supermarket women's magazine.

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Hmmm, yes I see what you mean now...

what do you think of

"The memories we become can never escape us" ?

Is that better

Thanks by the way!

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Sorry to double post, but just to let you guys know, I've revised the lines that everybody hated!

Thanks for the advice! I feel like it has myself in it again now!