My Teenage Daughter

[karalma]

My Teenage Daughter

My teenage daughter
Emerged from her room
In time to growl at me
“Why didn’t you wake me up?
I need to straighten my hair.”

A little later
She transpired again
This time to purr at me,
“Will you take me into town?
I need to meet my friends.”

Before sunset
She returned to the fold
This time to cackle at me,
“I’ve had a good day. How about you?
Together let’s watch TV.”

That same evening
From behind bedroom door
My daughter roared at me,
“Why do I have to go to bed?
It’s only half past ten.”

But I don’t care
What tomorrow brings
And how she uncurls her cocoon
For I know that soon she’ll fly away
And no longer will I, her beauty and brightness behold.

[Alucinary]

You have very amusingly captured exactly how I see my younger sister treating my mother! There is very little I found needed altering for this to be easy and fun to read, though I did notice the "at me" was repeated a lot as the ending to the third line of each stanza (well except the last stanza). It is not necessarily a problem, but I think it may benifit from a bit of variation. Also how about changing:
“I’ve had a good day. How about you?
Together let’s watch TV.”
into just:
“I’ve had a good day.
How about you?”?

[Suzanne]

Hi Karalma,
Nice to meet you and Happy New Year.
I have been a teenage daughter and have a teenage daughter so could relate to the whole poem, lol.
You've captured a universal parenting phase, enjoyed the read.

Suzanne

[David]

These are convincing scenes from the life of a teenage daughter, karalma. I've got one too. Hard work!

I'm not convinced transpired is usually used like that. You might want to have a look at that.

Overall, I'd say you caught the feelings well.

Cheers

David

[BenJohnson]

I like the way you have broken this into different stanzas each repeating a similar scene, but each different to the last. A poem that tells the truth of being a parent, good and bad alike. Looking forward to reading more. For me the last line being so much longer than the others seemed very out of place. Something like 'her beauty and brightness beheld no more', might fit the style more.

How picky can you get

[ray miller]

I immediately thought that in the last verse "sloughs her skin" might be preferable to"uncurls her cocoon". Having 3 teenage daughters plus one in her twenties and a pre-teen to boot I can empathise and then some! You might find departure is delayed for far longer than you imagined.

[David]

I immediately thought that in the last verse "sloughs her skin" might be preferable to"uncurls her cocoon". Having 3 teenage daughters plus one in her twenties and a pre-teen to boot I can empathise and then some! You might find departure is delayed for far longer than you imagined.

Good grief, Ray. You mean to say you worked in mental health, then you went home at night to a house full of five daughters?

Your VC is in the post.

Cheers

David

[ray miller]

David 5 daughters and one son but to be honest our son gave us far more grief than all the girls put together. Teenage phases can last an awful long time.

[karalma]

thanks Ray and Ben - great suggestions. Thanks too Ray for giving me hope that departure may be longer than I think....although I'm sure there will be days when I change my mind about that.