Footsteps in the Snow

[karalma]

Footsteps in the Snow

Air fresh and tender
Earth crisp and bright
Footsteps in the snow
Illuminate the garden trail
To a guardian made of ice.

[jms]

Yes, liked this. Perhaps, however, 'light' instead of 'illuminate'?

[arunansu]

A nice one. Enjoyed the images.
Cheers.

[thoke]

This isn't bad, but the final line is too obscure. Maybe you could add another stanza that reveals more information about "the guardian made of ice". What does it look like and what is it guarding? Without knowing this, the reader is left bored by the image.

The description of the air and the snow is perfectly nice, though.

Ben

[Danté]

Karalma

I also liked the images, and agree to a slightly lesser extent with Ben´s comment,
which is a valid point. The brevity of the form, means the images need to be self contained as much as possible. I am presuming the figure is snowman like, and would under some circumstances appear to be like a guardian, I personally don´t have a problem with that. This simply underlines the importance of word choice, especially in a tight form, where it is an advantage to look at every single word until you are sure that a better alternative is not available to you.

Thanks for the read

Danté