Piling on the Pounds

[jazziwoz]

I am putting on weight
At least that's what the scales say
They lie - I hasten to add
Under the bathroom sink
They should hold a sticker - "Use rarely!"
Or rarely used!

I am putting on weight
At least thats what this skirt tells me
As I struggle with the button
It fabricates the truth about my slender youth
Must have shrunk in the wash - cheap old tosh!

I am putting on weight
It shows in the mirror
It distorts my figure
Middle-aged spread....
Its just part of fate
Who am I trying to kid -
I am putting on weight!

[backinblack]

Hi and welcome,

Ok, until I read this I didn't know if you were male or female, I bet you're female though!
Women and their weight eh!
I can relate to this as I hear it all the time.
I think you captured the this essence of this very well.
I also quite liked the structure of it, that said I'm no expert but a good write in MHO.

Hope to read more of your stuff soon.

BinB.

[Sharra]

Hi Jazz
Welcome to PG.
I can so relate to this poem
I think the first 2 stanzas are the strongest. You have some good line breaks here, I especially liked

that's what the scales say
They lie - I hasten to add
Under the bathroom sink

giving the double meaning of lie.
And you have some good internal rhymes going on with truth/youth and wash/tosh.

It might be worth thinking about not capitalising the start of every line and adding some punctuation to it. This would help give a little more structure to it.
Sharra
x

[Lovely]

I honestly like this it's a clever poem. It has humour with it which is good for such a touchy subject. No pun intended.

It's better sometimes when we don't take ourselves to seriously.

Wish I could put some weight on..............

DJL

[jazziwoz]

Hi to you all and thanks for the comments Punctuations not my strong point but will try to listen and adapt in further posts Thanks!

[swoosh]

Hey jazz. welcome.

obviously this is subject matter that you fell strongly about.
There were some nice ryhmes in there. the language was simple clever and effective.
A fine first post
enjoyed and thanks

s

[mesmie]

Hello Jazz

ahhhhh weight I rather enjoyed the light-hearted way you dealt with this tender subject...
You have some good rhyme and word play going on and the crit you have already been given is good stuff too..
I look forward to reading more of your stuff..


mes