That wind has blown, this bird has flown

[stevj016]

Hi,

This ones called 'That wind has blown, this bird has flown'

When you open up and the world runs away,
Sometimes you take your life and spoil your freedom.
But I’m a bird who hasn’t spread its wings,
There is no freedom to spoil.

I always longed for success and freedom,
But now my mind makes me something that makes life far from free.
People have suggested I have to accept where I am in life,
As much as it’s probably true, I can’t agree.

There was a time when I saw my future as nothing but success and happiness,
That vision no longer exists, that wind has blown.
When I left hell I thought I would be as free as a bird,
That’s not even near to what has become of reality, that bird hasn’t flown.

Not being free whilst being thought of happy,
Is like having a sword stabbed through your heart.
Having to face the world alone with your problems,
Pretending your happy when really your falling apart.

My happy times have already been and gone,
The times when a timid river sings its beautiful song.
But when the bird is there for too long,
You have to realize the river side is not where it should belong.

Being trapped down here with nothing but pain,
Listening to the timid river get stronger and stronger.
Not being able to take your first flight,
Is something I can handle no longer.

I’m convinced I haven’t yet experienced freedom,
I’m immensely depressed as I’ve already shown.
But I’d be a fool to suggest I’m a bird waiting to fly, I’ve reached my heights,
This bird has flown.

Thanks,
Stevj016.

[Sharra]

Stev this is obviously writted from the heart and carries a great deal of honesty along with it.
I liked the bird metaphor you use throughout this and think you could probably develop this a little more, make the whole piece a little more metaphorical as even if you do, the reader will understand what you're saying,
Sharra
x

[backinblack]

Hi Steve and welcome, I thought this write had a lot of really good points and i did enjoy it.
it's structure was for the most part pretty good, you resisted the full rhyme so well until stanza 5,
then you go nuts with "gone,song,long and belong" all on line ends here.maybe worth another look?
Overall a good write on a very deep subject, a little tidy could really enhance it!
You have some very nice metaphoric ideas also.
Nice to see you here and I look forward to reading more of your work.
thanks for the read

BinB.

[swoosh]

Hey steve,
welcome.

the subject matter you have here is interesting. We all learn those lessens as we get older, so the reader can relate. as said before I too liked the metaphors that you have in there.
I found hard to edit from the heart
good to see you here
good luck

S

[Lovely]

I loved it--- Wow! Needs a bit of you mirrow.

Cry on you will.


DJL

[Lovely]

Looking again. Love you more.xxxxxxx