Acceptable

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Cooper
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Fri May 01, 2009 4:42 pm

Acceptable

Watch out for those pink shirted boys

who after spending all night at Flamingo’s

like nothing more than a kick-a-bout

with someone’s head.
JonJonJon
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Fri May 01, 2009 6:35 pm

I will go out on a limb....as the flamingo said to his mate. I would like to read more of the street scene if you have it, I think there needs to be more. Good luck.
John G
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Fri May 01, 2009 7:09 pm

I like the this little vignette - have seen the scene many a times - a bunch of sterotypes amped up on booze and midnight kebabs roaming the urban savannah looking for victims.

I am assuming the title is ironic?
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
Jasper
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Sat May 02, 2009 1:17 am

Flamingo’s... tenors a gay bar!
pink shirts... pink could be sharp (like business shirts)

confused
j
arunansu
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Sat May 02, 2009 5:55 am

Liked the tone of the poem, more than anything else. "Pink shirted boys" sound nice, no matter they are or not. I wonder why the title is "Acceptable". Puzzles me. Must be just me.
Thanks.
rantingpete
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Thu May 07, 2009 5:55 pm

Do you mean Flamingo's in Woolwich? I receieved a right hander from the bouncers one night many years ago. Horrible meat market. Great stanza. I may steal your theme!!
Lovely
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Sun May 10, 2009 5:48 pm

Good stanza, Cooper.

Hope you'll always be safe.

DJL x
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