Tree

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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John G
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Fri May 22, 2009 2:01 pm

"Cut down that fucking tree
its not letting the light in"
he screamed over the fence.

I need to find an axe.

Don't want that curtain twitching neighbour
to be banging on my door,
again.

I see him now,
fidgeting in his smokey living room,
penning letters to the council
in his head, re-runs of Eastenders
echoing in the background.
A dog end dangling from
an angry lip.

Maybe a chainsaw?

I see headlines in the local free paper,
right next a story about a teenage mum
and a school that got a new computer,
"Local man killed over tree dispute"
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
arunansu
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Fri May 22, 2009 2:43 pm

John, loving almost everything here. Good last strophe. And thanks for the fitting title.
John G
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Fri May 22, 2009 4:12 pm

Cheers A.

The title says it all really.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
Jasper
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Sun May 24, 2009 12:01 pm

I think you need italics to separate the quarrelers here J

Maybe a chainsaw?... be better as the finale, I reckon lol

J
Last edited by Jasper on Mon May 25, 2009 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
David
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Sun May 24, 2009 6:02 pm

Nicely done, John. You have to be careful with these neighbourly disputes. I think you conjured up a very convincingly scary picture of the unhinged neighbour. Don't kill him, though. Perhaps you could just run over his dog?

Cheers

David
stevj016
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Tue May 26, 2009 9:20 pm

Hi,

This is really good, I read it three times, I always catch something new every time. I like the opening as it really sets the the tone immediately for the whole poem. Not only is the last line great, so is the whole of the last stanza, very cleverly done, I wasn't expecting it. The first line set the tone for the poem, then the last line changed it, really well done, this is the kind of poetry I really like.

I agree with Jasper, the use of italics would be good.

Thanks,
Stevj016.
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