Plankton cafe-extended

[backinblack]

Super shoals on cool currents flow,
a sushi special’s on today.
Bull sharks drink at the sandbar..
lunchtime at the plankton café.

Dress code is informal,
They're quite lax with the rules.
A cool place for the kids to hang,
after a long days work at school.

After sunset things are different,
There's a dark feel to the plaice.
Eels lunge from the pot holed car park,
Patrons fight them off with mace.

Big whitey works the door nightly,
though he never gets much grief.
disputes are quickly settled,
by a grin from razor teeth.

[Lovely]

Good to see you again.

I have always liked this the extension is good to BinB.

Stick with us there is so much love here so much beautiful poetry from others.

Are you creating pieces now again?

Love x

[ray miller]

Hi, enjoyed this.Wouldn't "flow on cool currents"be much more natural?Loved all the fishy puns but not too fond of "Big whitey works the door nightly".

[backinblack]

Lovely- Thanks for the kind words and yes i have started a few,been busy with work lately but i reckon there's a few writes in there dying to get out.
hopefully i'll finish em soon.

Ray- thanks for reading I'm glad you got something out of it.
I hear you on the big whitey line, I was thinking who would work the door in a place like this?
Great white surely, although if I'm honest I'm not happy with it either.
It maybe has more meaning for me as the guy who runs the door on my local is in fact called Big whitey.
Will ponder that one
Thanks.

Best wishes

BinB.

[nar]

Hey, BiB.

Nice to see you here again, dude.

I always liked this wee piece.

Your enhancements are pretty good.

One question... how far to take the puns? I think you're halfway between at the moment. Either more or less for me.

It summons a cartoon image for me (Pixar would do it justice), which is very endearing.

I'd perhaps try to develop one character and narrate it from that point of view, or make it sillier.

Just my thoughts.

Laters,

- Neil.