Pity weeps
Pity weeps from the effort in your smile
as you dissect the remains - like a professional -
of our love, pinned wide open to the table.
Meaning bleeds darkly from my spilled sentences.
Invisible fingers peel sense from word, like rind from fruit.
My tongue freezes in its dark cave.
Pity weeps
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Hi there Mic.
A quick thought:
The imagery I find to be kind of unruly. L's1+3 of both stanzas are interesting and more on the metaphorical plane. Whereas lines 2 are simile based. Not necessarily a bad thing I know, but within the context of the piece as a whole they seem slightly awkward. Mind you, the placement of the word "like" gives a nice symmetry.
I was unsure about the title at first, but as it is in reference to the first two lines, which I think work really well, I give it a thumbs up.
A quick thought:
The imagery I find to be kind of unruly. L's1+3 of both stanzas are interesting and more on the metaphorical plane. Whereas lines 2 are simile based. Not necessarily a bad thing I know, but within the context of the piece as a whole they seem slightly awkward. Mind you, the placement of the word "like" gives a nice symmetry.
I was unsure about the title at first, but as it is in reference to the first two lines, which I think work really well, I give it a thumbs up.
Thanks R. Cox and Lovely.
I don't think I shall waste any more tears on this one.
Mic
I don't think I shall waste any more tears on this one.
Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Yes Mic, good stuff. It's not easy to write on oft-trodden themes, but you pulled (or 'peeled' 
) it off beautifully. Enjoyed the write.
) it off beautifully. Enjoyed the write.