the clog dancers

[Susan-Morris3]

Charlie Chaplin tip tapped his steps
on the boards at the Oldham Rep,
pounding out rheumatic beats,
he found his dance on northern streets.
From foundries to the pits
men of steel wore clogs that clicked,
made from polished Alder wood,
embossed with nails ans shiny stud.
In the mills that worked the looms,
all the girls would tap a tune,
in rows together to and fro,
a Busby Berkley, production show.
Far louder than the buzzer drones,
that calls the worker to the mill,
iron clad clogs on cobbled stone,
clank down dip and up the hill,
first a tiny clicking trickle,
then a roaring rushing flood,
a million mill girls clogs of wood,
to send a shiver down your spine,
all Lancashire onces danced in time.

[arunansu]

Beautiful, Susan. Loved the images, the rhythm and the flow.

he FOUND his DANCE on NORTHern STREETS
- Nice rhythm. Throughout.

[ray miller]

Hello Susan, nice rhyme and rhythm. Do you need tip before tapped?
If it were mine, I'd have a full stop after Rep and swap 3rd and 4th lines around.
You don't need a comma after Berkeley.
"iron clad clogs on cobbled stone" think you ought to reword this line. You're using "clogs" three times in the poem and there are alternatives, I should imagine."iron congregates on cobbled stone"?

[Ros]

Great rhythm, Susan, and a good read. I'd lose a few of the commas, I think - if I may have a twiddle:

Charlie Chaplin tip tapped his steps
on the boards at the Oldham Rep -
pounding out rheumatic beats,
he found his dance on northern streets.
From foundries to the pits
men of steel wore clogs that clicked,
made from polished alder wood - don't need the capital
embossed with nails and shiny stud. - typo on and
In the mills that worked the looms
all the girls would tap a tune
in rows together, to and fro,
a Busby Berkley production show.
Far louder than the buzzer drones
that calls the worker to the mill,
iron clad clogs on cobbled stone
clank down dip and up the hill,
first a tiny clicking trickle,
then a roaring rushing flood,
a million mill girls clogs of wood
to send a shiver down your spine.
All Lancashire once danced in time. - once not onces

[Susan-Morris3]

Well thank you arrunansu, ross and ray, very very helpful comments and will edit, you have all been so kind in the help that you offer very much appreciate you taking time out to comment ta very much xx

[Lovely]

Nice lines again susan loved the charlie chaplin opener. One of my favs: "men of steel wore clogs that clicked" great stuff and good
everywhere

good to see you here

love lx