The girl that got away
I looked around this lonely place,
My eyes fell on a beautiful face,
Our eyes met and we smiled and looked
Beneath my feet the ground had shook .
This woman with striking features I could'nt calm down
and eyes so deep you could swim in them and not be found
I wanted to touch, but feared she would crumble to the ground
my mind going round and round and round.
You know when you meet a woman meant for you
so I will give this advice to you too
swallow your pride and go over to her
she might have been thinking just what you were.
Realize.
The girl that got away
Peter, a nice piece. But somehow, S1 is not working for me.
But cheer up, you make up for that in S2. The last strophe was beginning to sound a bit "telly" but I feel you've pulled it through.![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)
But cheer up, you make up for that in S2. The last strophe was beginning to sound a bit "telly" but I feel you've pulled it through.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
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awwww soul mate eh! liked the feel good factor of your poem, the only thing i would say is you have eyes in two lines didn't really like that maybe if you could find a different word for one of them would be better ? x ![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
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Sorry Pete, this really doesn't work for me.
And I guess the only reason for this is I'm not a fan of poems that rhyme at the end of every line – it just feels all to contrived for my liking.
Sorry about that, however like the generally idea behind it though.
And I guess the only reason for this is I'm not a fan of poems that rhyme at the end of every line – it just feels all to contrived for my liking.
Sorry about that, however like the generally idea behind it though.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.