they're crazy for calling me crazy. am i too upright, too strong,or to crazy.
no i am alone i'm lost and nothing seems to be going right. everything is wrong.
too much has been taken to much has been sacrificed.
i really don't care what they say but if i don't acknowlege it maybe it will go away.
i am lost i do not know what to do.so many times i've run, run away from you. why would you want me? why would you take me back.why would you talk to me? when i do not talk back. it is amazing how you love with no strings attatched. you just smile and say " a little love here will fix that"
something is wrong
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brianedwards
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Clarissa,
I appreciate your sentiments, but I think you need to find a less direct approach to make the sentiment a poem. Writing your feelings down in broken lines doesn't make poetry. Perhaps take a look at some examples of confessional poets. John Berryman is a personal favourite, though perhaps a little left field. Anne Sexton would be worth reading: sex, adultery, depression, abortion, masturbation --- it's all in there!
Good luck.
B.
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I appreciate your sentiments, but I think you need to find a less direct approach to make the sentiment a poem. Writing your feelings down in broken lines doesn't make poetry. Perhaps take a look at some examples of confessional poets. John Berryman is a personal favourite, though perhaps a little left field. Anne Sexton would be worth reading: sex, adultery, depression, abortion, masturbation --- it's all in there!
Good luck.
B.
~
Liked the emotion of the piece. But I believe, its a little vague. Who are 'they'? Your friends, relatives, or enemies? Smiles.
As is said,poetry must show, rather than "tell". I liked your ending as it was closer to showing something. An image of a lover was formed. Yet you didn't play with the images. Rather, you need more images.
Still a good read. Keep the ink flowing.
As is said,poetry must show, rather than "tell". I liked your ending as it was closer to showing something. An image of a lover was formed. Yet you didn't play with the images. Rather, you need more images.
Still a good read. Keep the ink flowing.
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Susan-Morris3
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Very sad read, but I didn't find much poetry in there. you have a lot to say in a strong way, I found it a painful story, not a poem. But I will say keep writing down the words rearranging, in some other order. Writing is a powerful tool of expressing emotion, I am no expert by a long way.
My heart goes out to you I felt the pain in your words. I wish you love. keep writing. x
My heart goes out to you I felt the pain in your words. I wish you love. keep writing. x
Some great advice above for you by my gentle loving friends, please please note it and take it within it's warming; and will
serve you well I hope.
You have a heart which looks artistic at a glance here, the passion is there, and the feelings come over well.
More attunement of want you want to 'spell out' will be very welcome i'm sure....... liked it.....thank you.
x
serve you well I hope.
You have a heart which looks artistic at a glance here, the passion is there, and the feelings come over well.
More attunement of want you want to 'spell out' will be very welcome i'm sure....... liked it.....thank you.
x