Must Leave a Note For Coleridge

[Lovely]

With eyes those black and wide
as one thousand leagues
you sleep with all the shine
while all the others sleep.

Born on heroin wings to climb
to sudden fly away,
feet for feathers drifting
and hands which show a way


the Mariner weeps deeply sinning,
for the bird who needed rest,
just desired more or less a slower breath
at its best, for a bit of rest.


Your rhymes they have these morals
that each repays her sorrows
not much to try tomorrow
to balance all our sorrows;
for an albatross to rest...

[Danté]

Lovely

Overall I like this. It´s got some good lines with enough content to mull over and escape into the lines.
I can´t help feeling verse three needs a little more thought to make it read as pleasantly as the other verses.
Perhaps have the line break after deeply and find a slighly more flowing way of wording the statement that follows
if that is something you might consider. Not too sure about "sinning" especially deeply, sounds a bit like
my mispent youth lol.

Your writing is evolving in my opinion, as most poets do, I like to see it.

regards

Danté

[Susan-Morris3]

Lovely , this poem is really good I do like it very much, it has a deep sorrowful tone that makes me feel a little sad. very well written x

[arunansu]

Thanks for an ode to the "Ancient Mariner".

you sleep with all the shine
while all the others sleep
- Nice lines, but perhaps the last line can be made to sound more interesting.

I love S2. Brilliant.

As Dante has already mentioned, maybe some tweaking is necessary for the last strophe.

Thanks for an excellent read.

[Lovely]

slight tweak guys and thanks to all..........