Chains that bind us.

[peterkiggin]

Chains that bind us.

A chain separated only by the links that keep them together,

we are forever linked with our pasts like a pool of water becoming ever fuller,

we cannot ever see the bottom of this pool as a chains links can only ever react when separated by time and endeavour,

I engross myself with these thoughts and know that life is however complicated can only end in a natural conclusion forever and ever and ever.

[Arian]

I like the first line, Peter, it kicks the piece off with a poetic thought and an intriguing idea. For me, though, the simile in L2 is very tenuous at best, and I couldn’t unravel the figure in L3 at all (I think you mean “chain’s” btw). I think the ever-longer line lengths is interesting, though I’d – personally – prefer them broken. There’s (I think) a typo in L4 – an errant “is”. Did you mean...

I engross myself with these thoughts and know that life, however complicated, can only end in a natural conclusion forever and ever and ever.

Promising start, then, but it might need a little work before it’s the finished article.
Cheers
peter

[Dalena]

peter

I agree with the previous comment, there is enough here to work with and with a little perseverance and ironing out the
delivery of the concept you have based the poem around......you should have a nice poem.

thankz

Dalena x