Cotton haze surrounds
crisp scent of new rain floats
pure rest in sound sleep.
.
Problem solved
HI,
yes lovely piece, very evocative and clean. If it is a Haiku, 5-7-5, (5 syllables in the firs and last line and 7 in the middle line, to answer Pauline's question), then there is a syllable missing in the middle line. Notwithstanding, this is a very good poem, thank you for it.
Kimi
yes lovely piece, very evocative and clean. If it is a Haiku, 5-7-5, (5 syllables in the firs and last line and 7 in the middle line, to answer Pauline's question), then there is a syllable missing in the middle line. Notwithstanding, this is a very good poem, thank you for it.
Kimi
Beautiful haiku, Suzanne. But since this is haiku, there remanins a scope for making it more compact. Consider this :
cotton haze surrounds
crisp scent of new rain
pure rest in sound sleep
The part "cotton... new rain" is the phrase, and the last line, a fragment. You also can do without punctuations if you want to write classical haiku. A single haiku do not have a title, unlike a string of haiku.
Also, we need not stick to 5-7-5 rule in English. We better keep the total syllable count less than 17.
However, enjoyed very much.
cotton haze surrounds
crisp scent of new rain
pure rest in sound sleep
The part "cotton... new rain" is the phrase, and the last line, a fragment. You also can do without punctuations if you want to write classical haiku. A single haiku do not have a title, unlike a string of haiku.
Also, we need not stick to 5-7-5 rule in English. We better keep the total syllable count less than 17.
However, enjoyed very much.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 4902
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Land of the Midnight Sun
Hello Everyone and thank you for the replies.
It was meant to be a strict 5-7-5 but I changed a word and the last minute and slipped up.
Thank you Aru, for the information on Haiku. It is always good to hear the"rules". You have just taken off the word "floats", which is the word that caused the slip up...
I like it both ways.
No one mentioned the title. Did it suit the poem? The title is very much a part of the whole.
If one is trying to solve a problem, trying to get what they want, when it actually happens.. the issue resolved, the end result attained, there is a good night's rest.
Was that understood?
Suzanne
It was meant to be a strict 5-7-5 but I changed a word and the last minute and slipped up.
Thank you Aru, for the information on Haiku. It is always good to hear the"rules". You have just taken off the word "floats", which is the word that caused the slip up...
I like it both ways.
No one mentioned the title. Did it suit the poem? The title is very much a part of the whole.
If one is trying to solve a problem, trying to get what they want, when it actually happens.. the issue resolved, the end result attained, there is a good night's rest.
Was that understood?
Suzanne