Mid Jan musings

[arunansu]

[Tanka]

I.
mermaid
plays mystic tunes
in somber night
a sail boat sinks
loaded with memoirs

II.
inconsolably
weeps Lady Luna
in the quiet
I search for reasons
in half-lit lanes

[anniecat]

Good gosh your good! AC

[firefly]

Hello arunansu, I enjoyed the imagery in these poems very much. Tanka 1 left me with a feeling of melancholy. I would perhaps of used a different word than 'morbid' to describe the tunes in line two, as the word 'sombre' used in line three only re-inforces the mood of the piece, rather than adding to it. Perhaps 'mermaid, plays abstract tunes', or something of that ilk would work well, setting an even more mysterious scene.

Tanka 2, I like very much, strong emotion going on here I feel.

I always thought Tankas were written traditionally as 5 lines, first line- 5 syllables
second line- 7 syllables
third line- 5 syllables
fourth line- 7 syllables
fifth line- 7 syllables.
or, maybe 2,3,2,3,3 formation.
Anyhow, I enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing.
firefly

[arunansu]

Thank you Anniecat. Thank you Firefly, I tried to use the "short-long-short-long-long" method, but couldn't stick to it entirely. Smiles. However, I completed the first within 20 and the second with 22 syllables.Lol.

[Lovely]

I never got back to this. Apologies.

s2 is very much about romance and the moon and like she wanders as we do.

"I search for reasons in half-lit lanes"

S1 has a mystic quality which one can remember.

"mermaid plays mystic tunes in somber night"

it comes together nicely


she's good