To Walk in the Dreams of a Friend

[Durante]

When I walk in the dream of a friend,

I take care to tread softly on clouds;

the fall from such heights never ends;

as a raindrop that cries without sound.





Yet I keep the ground in full view,

Should a friend soar too close to their sun;

When dreaming skies of improbable hue,

It is best that our souls act as one.





When I walk in the dream of a friend,

I take care not to poison the cup;

Yet when I walk in the dream of a friend,

I take more care to sleep one eye up

[Lovely]

comment below

[Durante]

Lovely,

Thanks for the crit.

I must confess - the poem was inspired by a drunk convo with a close friend; as such; the reference to poisoning the cup has specific relevance!

Nevertheless - thanks for your thoughts! Much appreciated....


D

[Lovely]

Beautiful at once for me

pure length and balance and in the heart expressed

a dance of light with no regret.

The way we were is this the way we were


Oh I so much like this

friend

[Durante]

And now I know why you are called lovely!

Thank you so much,


D.

[Danté]

Hi Durante, Welcome to PG

Interesting set of thoughts in this piece. It's hampered a little by the punctuation which in places seems superfluous in light of the line breaks. The capitalisations at the start of the lines from V2 onwards, makes it look like you were onto that aspect in verse one and then gave up worrying about them. To be honest it's a bit card verse like for my own taste, but that's just a case of personal preference and something which might well appeal to other readers.

Thanks for the read

Danté

[Sharra]

I think Dante is right about the punctuation, and for me the rhyme scheme does make it feel a little card versey - but I actually really like the image in S1, the idea of walking softly on the dreams of friends, and the feeling of falling from that height is interesting
Sharra
x

[hank]

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet, Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. W.B. Yeats."

[Durante]

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet, Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. W.B. Yeats."

I believe the phrase is 'more than a nod' ?