Mercury
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ray miller
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I'd have thought that the question to ask is whether an alternative word to fucked would serve better in this scenario. Can't think of one. I think the closing 2 lines are excellent.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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brianedwards
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sold-out by solar geographyray miller wrote:I'd have thought that the question to ask is whether an alternative word to fucked would serve better in this scenario. Can't think of one.
screwed by solar geography
blighted by solar geography
hamstrung by solar geography
stifled by solar geography
scuppered by solar geography
cudgeled by solar geography
suppressed by solar geography
tarnished by solar geography
goosed by solar geography
etc, etc . . .
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brianedwards
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solar-geographied out of the question
solar-geographied out of the equation
etc etc . . . . .
solar-geographied out of the equation
etc etc . . . . .
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Ros
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Thought this was great, John, but I'd have to vote for one of Brian's alternative words. Or one of your own, of course.
Ros
Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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John G
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Arian
and brian, like the alternatives offered up, especially like "goosed by solar geography" - found this both funny and camp.
However, all said and done, I can't bring myself to change the the F word - sorry!
I knew that was the case, I think Ive got wires crossed - I appreciate and look forward to your feedback...John, if you read our posts, you'll find that neither David nor I were acusing you of being lazy, or of using cliche. We were merely pointing out that, unless you're careful in the way you use words like this, it can seem that way. In fact, both of us found a lot to like in the piece.
and brian, like the alternatives offered up, especially like "goosed by solar geography" - found this both funny and camp.
However, all said and done, I can't bring myself to change the the F word - sorry!
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
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brianedwards
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Shame. Almost a very good poem.John G wrote:
However, all said and done, I can't bring myself to change the the F word - sorry!
B.
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brianedwards
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Another better option there . . .David wrote:... or stranded by solar geography.
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John G
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Thinking about it I could go for
Mauled by solar geography
Battered etc
Maimed etc
The more I think about it I may go for battered – after all that was the idea I was trying to get across – a lone planet – being pummelled (theres another one I could opt for!!) by solar winds and other space clutter.
I think I;ve just talked myself around about moving the F word.!!!!
Mauled by solar geography
Battered etc
Maimed etc
The more I think about it I may go for battered – after all that was the idea I was trying to get across – a lone planet – being pummelled (theres another one I could opt for!!) by solar winds and other space clutter.
I think I;ve just talked myself around about moving the F word.!!!!
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
I thought goosed was rather fun, but mauled has a certain energy to it..
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
actually, mathematically in the next line reads with difficulty after the mauled, but battered flows well and sounds great.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
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Arian
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Definitely better, John. But pummelled (your own suggestion) would be even better, I reckon.
Best of all would be a word which introduced some kind of poetic device, even if it's only(!) alliteration.
Cheers
peter
Best of all would be a word which introduced some kind of poetic device, even if it's only(!) alliteration.
Cheers
peter
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brianedwards
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Battered wouldn't have been my first choice John, but great, it's yours, it's better . . . much, much better.
Good for you.
B.
Good for you.
B.
Oh, someone who feels sorry for planets. This made me smile! I am glad you have the geological correct as when dealing with the known it is important to have the correct facts if you want to be taken seriously. I too watched this series as a lay person interested in Physics and big bangs and where life as we know it will go... (Bill Bryson wrote a very good book on the subject - The History of Nearly Everything - full of useful information, humour and some real insights.