Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
TDF
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:25 pm
Location: Londinium

Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:52 pm

all your teeth get ground
up with all your other bones,
after cremation.
meh and bah are wonderful words
Lake
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Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Fri Oct 17, 2008 6:28 pm

after cremation
ashes spread over oceans
fish busy nibble
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Fri Oct 17, 2008 10:31 pm

fish busy nibble
while gargantuan shapes lurk
in the inky depths
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Posts: 176
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Fri Oct 17, 2008 11:50 pm

in the inky depths
of my poetic despair
i ate an apple
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Raisin
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Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:10 am

I ate an apple,
plucked ripe from a nearby tree
serpentine eyes watched
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Posts: 176
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:12 am

sepentine eyes watched
the TV on a tuesday
laughing at trisha
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Raisin
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:30 am

laughing at trisha,
wincing at the blinding glare
that burns from the screen
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Danté
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Posts: 2022
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:35 am

that burns from the screen
into my eyes, pixels glare
numbing my brain cells.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Cooper
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:18 pm

numbing my brain cells
is a feeling I enjoy
sight all rubbery
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Raisin
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:29 pm

sight all rubbery
as my eyes bounce up and down
over the pavement
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Danté
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Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:32 pm

sight all rubbery
while hot rocks tumble and cool
leaving pinholes burned.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:35 pm

leaving pinholes burned
until walls of water crash
unforgivingly
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:39 pm

unforgivingly
wrapped up in books and poems
washed my hands of it
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Danté
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Location: nothere

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:41 pm

washed my hands of it
realised my mistake
and bowed my head low
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:44 pm

and bowed my head low
for the inevitable,
that punishing blow
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Posts: 176
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:46 pm

that punishing blow
which struck me on saturday
and stayed til sunday
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Danté
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Location: nothere

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:48 pm

and stayed til sunday
when she got fed up eating
pizza and the floyd
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:53 pm

pizza and the floyd.
Monday morning, she went out
to see the sunrise
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Posts: 176
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:54 pm
Location: Maidenhead

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:57 pm

to see the sunrise
and visit her first daughter
the light in her eyes
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barrie
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Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:59 pm

To see the sunrise
was the wish of Helios -
Phaethon took the reins...
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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Raisin
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:05 pm

Phaethon took the reins...
urged his stallions to fly
right in to the fire
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Danté
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Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:14 pm

right into the fire
barely touching the hot flames
falling into ash
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:22 pm

falling in to ash.
Ash that crumbles at contact
Fall even further.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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barrie
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Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:21 pm

Fall even further
fall uneven not as far
don't fall and stay put
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Lake
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Posts: 2294
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:19 pm

Don’t fall and stay put.
The pine roots grab the rock tight,
be it rain or wind.
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