Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Macavity
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11958
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Tue Jun 11, 2024 4:30 am

bluebells mark the path
a tradition in these woods
to believe in spring
User avatar
Danté
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2022
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Fri Jun 21, 2024 8:07 am

Spring with open leaves?
If that is all you have got
then find better lines
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Suzanne
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 4902
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
antispam: no
Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Sat Jun 22, 2024 9:52 am

then, find better lines
we've crow's feet in the corners
twinkles in our eyes
User avatar
Danté
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2022
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Sat Jun 22, 2024 10:48 am

twinkles in our eyes
serve to highlight excitement
do you feel horny?
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Summersky
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:52 pm
antispam: no

Sun Jun 23, 2024 5:39 am

"Do you feel horny?"
If that is all you have got
then find better lines.
Suzanne
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 4902
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
antispam: no
Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Sun Jun 23, 2024 10:12 am

then find better lines,
folded notes, and written sighs
empty your pockets
Macavity
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11958
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Mon Jun 24, 2024 5:28 am

empty your pockets
how easy is strolling here
without nostalgia
Post Reply