Aye, 'tis the wind

[R Cox]

Aye, 'tis the wind that shapes our plight;
That decides, nay insists on the path we take;
That fastens upon us and hasten us make,
Or be the cause, the slowing of our flight.

Aye, 'tis the wind that blows from the sea
With powerful force and a will yet to knock
All asunder. But wonder do we not
As with haste it chases, with respect do we flee.

Aye 'tis the wind that steals inland;
That roams through your streets as a thief
Aching refrains and feign you your sleep
In bedrooms built to withstand.

Aye, 'tis the wind with a heavy hand
And an evil heart one could suppose
For surely can there be no purity in those
Great gusts of ruin at his command.

Aye, 'tis the wind that is chilling me
Through clothes to the bone, the very bone.
Limbs shaking thus and a quaking in my soul
So do the trees tremble in sympathy.

Aye, 'tis the wind that whispers at night
Then flares up and hisses all around;
Sweet nothings become a coughing sound.
For abatement we wait in reverence and fright.

Ate, 'tis the wind that shapes our plight.
Aye, 'tis the wind that blows from the sea.
Aye, 'tis the wind that blows inland.
Aye, 'tis the wind with a heavy hand.
Aye, 'tis the wind that is chilling me.
Aye, 'tis the wind that whispers at night.

[Danté]

Hi, R Cox

I see you've had a roam about the place, including the rules I hope
It's kind of important that the two crit rule is observed because that's what makes the place work.

Well I get the impression this is an improvised form but could be wrong.
With your structure I would have expected the meter to be following a definite pattern rather than
having a variance throughout. I'd guess that the structure is influenced by French or Italian forms
of quatrains and first line refrain used in the closing verse.
The departure from the full on rhyme L3 S5 is noticable and had the other rhymes been as subtle
it would be a clever piece rather than an average exercise of refrain and rhyming.

It's an ok read but lacks the discipline to be impressive in respect of its metrical construction.
That might be an area you could work on if you feel like polishing it up.

Personally I find completion of these forms reminds me of when I drank too much pernod, I couldn't stand
the smell of it for ages so left it at the back of the drinks cabinet for a year or two.

Anyways welcome to PG and feel free to be as descriptive as you like in your replies to poems.
it's a place to share words, there is no need for economy when doing the crits.

All the best

Danté

[Lovely]

Dante, hits on some very good points for you.

I really like the feel of this. It's almost a s if you wrote it out of the body. The mind joining to wind-- that's why I enjoyed it.

You certainly have a talent which can only improve here time given that is.

Thanks for this friend.

L

[wabbit]

With poetry Im a simple sole, a bit of a fish out of water with the more intelligent (or maybe modern stuff). I either like it or I dont get it.

I like this, nice one

[JonJonJon]

I'm not sure about this one.......sorry , repetition and idea that things are out with our own control unsettles the poem to me....