Poetry Forum

My first poem since school. (written of necessity)

Learning to Love.

I didn’t know that I could fall in love when I started out with you.
My fortress heart was all secure, the barriers were true.
Another girl, another bed, my mind was there, but free.
I was safe within my world, no one could capture me.

I kissed you deeply, held you close, but kept you from my heart
The tough defences seemed enough to keep our souls apart.
I travelled far, left you behind; the chinks began to show,
My heart was touched, and sure enough, new feelings tried to grow.

The cracks appeared the feelings grew, we came together there
I flew you out, pretending that my love was not to share
The closest time for two was then. I tried to let you know,
The word of love I could not say, a place I could not go.

You left me there and went back home, my secret teardrops fell
Fresh fields I found but they became a dreary, lonely hell.
Oz, Malaysia, Angkor Wat, more lonesome, every day,
My love had gone and I had made the awful choice to stay

My journey home was wonderful, my girl was waiting there
I longed to hold her in my arms, to stroke her shining hair
The dreadful love word intervened and pushed us wide apart
The damage from my earlier life had broken both our hearts

The end was harsh and cruel for both; I tried to sort out why
I couldn’t love this lovely girl who’d loved this tortured guy
I struggled with my history, saw what had gone before,
Slowly, like a summer’s dawn, unlocked the secret door

At last I knew that I could love, could give my heart away
Could use the words of special truth that lovers need to say
Then all my world was ripped apart, my soul was torn in two
The one true love of this man’s life had found somebody new.

This cruel life is so unfair; it stole the love I’d share
I’d broken through huge barriers, to find that nothing’s there
There’s so much hurt and so much pain, there was no other way
I’d opened up a door to love, but love had gone away.

My life has changed. I’ve lost a love, but found emotions true
There’s nothing more that I could ask - to share my life with you.
It’s not to be, I’ve worked that out, I know I must move on
With all my heart, I thank you, even though your love has gone.

Dear Harry,

Learning Love IS INJURIOUS TO MIND'S HEALTH, just like smoking cigarettes! Be far away from it! As for the write, I simply loved the rhythm. Generally I look out for short ones, don't have the patience to try the longer versions. Though you dealt with an often used ( and bruised!) subject, you held my attention till the end. Only, as I'm know to be a man with a 'pair of scissors', I'm itching to trim down the length.
Your call.
Enjoyed the piece.

Hi, I loved it, a real heart felt piece,Some good lines and a really nice pace too.
It flows really well and I can tell it means alot to you, great write for me.
thanks.

BinB.

sorry to say not my thing at all - to long - some of it sound cliched and dare I say Hallmark?

My life has changed. I’ve lost a love, but found emotions true
There’s nothing more that I could ask - to share my life with you

However, from reading it does convey the emotion which I'm sure you were trying to get through so a score on that front.

As Aru says, get out the scissors!

It is from the heart and one cannot fail to feel it and see it in so many ways.

Would like to trim it down a bit though without taking any of the integrity away. S9
seems to show the understanding learnt from experience...the painfull loss of love
or someone you deeply loved. Better to have loved then.

Thank you for this sweet poem.

L

Harry, welcome to PG
You have managed to keep the rhythm and rhyme going throughout, which is quite an achievement, and this does feel straight from the heart - a feeling of honesty shining through is always great in poetry.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Sharra
xx

Thank you for the comments, they are much appreciated. It was almost as difficult to find the courage to post this as it was to write it.

The poem was written because I had to do something about the emotional pain. I'm not a poet, not even that keen on poetry - this just wrote itself.

I don't know if I'll ever write another poem (although songs may be a possible variant - perhaps I could set this to music? ) Probably not but, If I do, I hope it's in much happier circumstances!

Too long? Maybe. But I had a story, a process to recount.

Hallmark? Wow! what a complement. Professionals write those lines! It could well be a bit sloppy, cliched, even mawkish in places, but it was written when I could barely function as a person and those were the words that appeared.

Private Harry wrote:The poem was written because I had to do something about the emotional pain. I'm not a poet, not even that keen on poetry - this just wrote itself.

I'm sure many of us started out this way. I say keep going with it though. Writing is the most rewarding thing, and it eventually becomes an addiction. I feel like a clucking junkie when I realise I've gone out without pen and notebook.

As for the length, I do like it. But things can always be edited down later. Reminds me of Leonard Cohen writing over 50 verses to many of his songs, then paring them down to just a few. It can feel like killing one of your kids to make the family look better, but sometimes a culling is the kindest thing.

Finally, really liked this. I wasn't sure if it would work beyond the first stanza, but it flowed throughout.

We are wide our love deep.

Nice piece. "My life has changed" .............x

So nice to be here.

Lx