Poetry Forum

Death



I strode along the silent highway
with head bowed down to winter's blast.
Three faded leaves in wind astray
met me, and rustling fluttered past.




Soul


I wandered in the Autumn night
amid the dew on gleaming fields;
when shining moon shed argent light,
in which three dowry moths did wield
their powdry wings, and wheeled in swift delight.




Life


I dreamed of Silver Lotus sweet,
as in the meadow's balm I lay
beneath the golden sun whose summer heat
drew out the scents of blooms and hay.


Three lovely butterflies in play
on wispering southern breeze, so gay
above my head did sway
in od'rous air, and swiftly flew away.


Dear Lady, of the silver bloom,
three spirits, three times three,
from Death, to Soul, to Life,
came forth from out the womb
of time and space and set us free,
and pointed out the golden way.

Lovely,

It sounds very musical. Each spirit is described in its appropriate seasonal setting.
I'm not quite sure if the last stanza is needed, though I see it's written to wrap up the whole poem.

Best,

Lake

Hi Lovely

You've obviously worked hard at the rhyme scheme in this, so well done for keeping it tight throughout.
There are so lovely images and you've captured a traditional 'poetic' feel to this. I'm not sure if thats what you're trying to do, but it feels like it's come from over a hundred years ago. Things like reversing syntax to fit a rhyme scheme like three dowry moths did wield contribute to this. Also using so gay in that context just doesn't happen these days due to the modern meaning of gay.

I think also titling the sections Life Death Soul is also setting yourself up to use cliches as these subjects are so overdone. Its often good when tackling these kind of subjects to let the reader make those links rather than spell them out.

Thanks for sharing
Sharra
xx

Lovely, you have the poet's eye.
I enjoyed this very much. Agree with Sharra that you don't need the signposts 'Death', 'Soul', 'Life' between the stanzas - especially since the 'reveal' comes in the last stanza (which I would keep).
Lovely, you have a tremendous and deeply instinctive feel for words.

Yes. This is right up my street. Particularly liked the culmination of the final stanza.
"three dowry moths" / "three lovely butterflies. v. nice.

Is this rhyme scheme something I ought to recognise? It's quite beguiling, yet so disciplined.