Down among the dead men

[Mic]

Down among the dead men

Drown those sorrows, drink, drink
down among the dead men.

Dutch courage, clink, clink,
a drop, a dram, a generous drop

of double Dutch, double-entry talk,
ten shots shared in good spirits;

then a bad case of double vision.

[Elphin]

Because of the repitition and for me the feel of a pirates song I think for it to really work it has to have a consistent and regular format and rhythm.

elph

[Patrick92]

I agree with the above but I love the way this poem is so onomatopoeic in the rhyming very good

[Lovely]

It perfectly describes 'Man' these days, of the so-called Man of Letters or Image.

Thanks.

Old pirates song, eh? But still true yes?
.

Lx

[LaMOi]

You know, i love short poems.. Im reallylazy, God forgive me. But i think you should take this further, and explore the dead men dialog more... I think this down morbid tempo bar talk could have some real feet...

You ever see that film Glengarry Glen Ross?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9mvTHSV ... re=related


The down on your luck, castrate bar philosophy; a woeful lament makes lovely poetry... no?