Poetry Forum

Spanish Sand

Over sea and land the Doughboys came,
across the Pyrenees and Navarra plain.
Now I can’t confess to understand,
why they would fight for Spanish sand.

But, black and white it’s all the same,
Buried one foot under the Jarama plain.
Now I can’t confess to understand,
Why history chooses to forget their stand.

It must be my thick night when I first read this I was reading 'buried one foot under' as foot at the end of your leg.

I like the construction of this, quite terse and yet managing to incorporate repetition quite nicely. I don't recognise the event this relates to though or am I just being thick again?

Dear Mark,
I used the google and read about Navarra plain and Pyrenees. I loved the title. Its perfect. But I am not sure about repeating "Now I ... understand" in such a sort piece as this one. The rhyme is okay, it do not seem forced. What I miss is some more images. I feel you can develop this write further.
All the best.

Ben/Arunansu

Thank you for your thoughts. Last week I watched a documentary on the Spanish civil war, and the contribution made by the Americans. Men, women, Afro-American, it didn't seem to matter who they were, but they made the long trip across the Atlantic, to join the Republican cause. Many of the Americans arrived in full 'WW1' uniform, hence 'Doughboys'. I cannot say I agree with their political motives, but it was an important theater of war for writers like Hemmingway. Jarama, was a battle for the road to Madrid. The American, Irish and British volunteers were poorly equiped (with arms), and as a result, thousands died.

I've had these lines in my a head for a couple of days, and decided to post them regardless, as I need the practise and appreciate all your feedback. It could certainly do with expanding, and my next poem will be longer. I like the idea of repetition, but it does loose something if the imagary is missing (good point). Thanks again...

Mark

I like it a lot.

Captured lots of moments with feeling.

Good piece of modern poetry.

Thanks

L

Yep it was my thick night Have you heard the Christy Moore song on this topic 'Viva La Quince Brigada'

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qypb3JI ... re=related[/youtube]

Yes, a great song. I met C. Moore back in the late 80's when he played at the Scarborough Folk Club (My father was the Secretary). He plays to much larger crowds these days!!

Regards
Mark

Amore!

I really like this work

However, I found it just a bit too vivid and needed a bit more definitive description would really set this poem a light

well done though

Mark

I enjoyed this - pretty good handle on the metre and the rhymes didnt seem forced at all.

I would encourage you to fill out some more verses so that you build up to the repeat of these lines. There are plenty Spanish Civil War events you could use to build it up.

Now I can’t confess to understand

Could I also encourage you to do a few more crits - it will help your own writing too to consider others work.

Cheers

elph

Does history choose to forget their stand? Not sure it does, Mark.

Also not sure whether Now I can’t confess to understand sounds like proper idiomatic English or not. Sounds a bit odd to me.

Still, I like the way you encapsulated your thoughts in just the two stanzas.

Cheers

David

Patrick, David, Elphin & Lovely

Thank you for all your advice. I will work to expand on this poem, and try to make my future submissions longer.

Best
Mark