Poetry Forum

Andrew

I’m throwing punches in my sleep
Knife crime follows me
into spinning car crashes
collisions in dreams.

I can feel the short Stanley blade
jutting in my rib-cage.
Her majesty. Her 'Majesty' never paid
that 250 quid.

That get off the phone
and on the floor.
That rush to the cage
ID parade.

Cooper

I like the rawness of this poem and find myself thinking about the reasoning behind the money........
in respect of why it should have been paid......that's probably me lacking knowledge of such things.
The connecting of crime and punishment........is perhaps a little plain here and lacking in any real attempt to deliver
it in a way that is more akin to an innovative angle of some kind that could stretch the potential of the piece.

For me it's a case of, did the crime, do the time, with only the 250 quid to think about because I am not able to
find the logic of its reason for being paid or otherwise. Perhaps a little more to fill in a few of the gaps
and approach the cause and effect in a way that engages better with the reader?

thanx

Dalena x

Cooper,
Liked the feel of the poem. Though I didn't get the reference to 250 quid, still I liked the line: "Her 'Majesty' never paid that 250 quid."

Enjoyed.

Hi, Cooper.

hmmm - I think the £250 is perhaps something to do with a fine paid (indirectly) by the state, because the criminal has no source of personal income?

A nice read overall.

I'm slightly puzzled by

"That get off the phone
and on the floor."

But, I'll have a nother re-read.

Cheers,

- Neil.

Why do you speak about darkness so much please we don't need anymore.

Answers yes.......?

Look Cooper, You won't get anywhere with this kind of work. I have said
before to you I really do honestly think you can be a very gifted poet
if you can release this negativity inside of yourself for good.

Why do you want to be on this road say to me, please? Poetry
has nothing to do with (hate) unless the Poet leads us to
another 'learned' gate. Yet another Incarnation which sucks, and
awaits, to our demise of course.

Your gifted in mine- own-eyes, yet twisted, so winds blown from your eyes

are twisted and the wings clipped----- the Mind not yet into-------------hip.

Light for us Cooper................light up the sky. We all need
these gifts from others if only to survive and help each other; gently the touch, better light needs much. What are we if we cannot give to others and such
that little light and touch.


Look to your Soul Cooper or stare into the Darkness the choice is yours
I guess.







L

Riiiiiiiight.. I thought this one was dead and gone/ Shat it out in a few mins..

WAR IS GOOD
AIDS IS GOOD
GANG VIOLENCE IS GOOD
CRACK COCAINE IS GOOD
MASS-MURDER IS GOOD
ANYTHING THAT CONTRIBUTES TO DEPOPULATING THE EARTH IS GOOD

I guess I was right then! It's quite sad. I said many times before you're a good writer
so why waste this gift you have been given here--- if only for a while?

Yes I do agree about Good and evil they are opposites are they not? The universe,
for all its verses, would not exist without this polarity. Hope it helps.

We all have That Beast within us. The truth is, we just have to control it--the
Beast. There is an Angel inside too.

Control leads to Peace and Light........hope it helps you always Cooper.



I Ching

Lx

Hi Andrew,

Is your first poem about a miscarriage of justice? Someone in prison through an 'admin' error? Is the 'get off the phone, on the floor' part a shout from a prison gaurd?

Your response to Lovely was horrible and uncalled-for.

Mic