My Sacred Night

[CharmingPoetess]

Seated here, by the window of my room
I gaze at the sky and at the pallid moon
It’s reflection on the pond, is crystal clear
Which purifies the water and the still atmosphere.

The fragrance of love fills my empty heart
On seeing a silhouette of you in the dark
If love could speak, then mine would sing
And confess its feelings for you to the wind.

Come to me, come closer my love
Feel my touch like the wings of a dove
I shall hold you gently and forever in my arms
Like a snowflake fallen from the sky into my palms.

The room is silent not a sound in the dark
Except for the whispers of love from my heart
Every star and every drop of my blood
Guarantees that you will be everlastingly loved

So sit by me, feel the words that I speak
For they are of love, the love that you seek
I shall sell my soul to have a moment with you
The only moment in life that will be true

Seated here, by the window of my room
I gaze at the sky and at the pallid moon
I make a wish upon,every beauties of the sky
To give you to me and make You a part of my life

[Lovely]

I like the name you chose for yourself.

It's a beautiful poem, I think it needs some cutting though. "That? and?" I would of left out.

I'll ,you'll, in its place for it. It seems to stop the nice flow of this piece.

Let it flow, let it grow........It's really worth another look----- to nice to let it slip by.

With a bit of tender loving it could really be something.

Much liked

L

[manfriday]

Lots of classic romantic imagery here, and you've managed to avoid becoming cliched, so well done. My romantic poems are usually drivel! You need to perhaps get a bit of continuty going with the punctuation though, some of the stanzas need full stops. It moves along quite quickly too, which doesn't really lend itself to giving the reader a feeling of the silence of the room, so maybe a little pause somewhere perhaps? Just to give a sense of the ambience of the room. Just a thought.

[arunansu]

Welcome to the Board. This is not my kind of poem, so very difficult to evaluate it. Still I loved the tenderness in the piece. What I liked most was that the end rhymes were not forced. The flow is good. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[gpierre]

If you do only one thing with this poem then please, please get rid of the 'love'/'dove' couplet!

Gaz

[David]

Hello, charming p. You manage the rhyming pretty well here, although you oscillate a bit between full and half rhyming. Might be interesting to go whole-heartedly for either one or the other.

My other thought (I have two, which is rare for me) is that, in going for the rhyming, you've neglected the rhythm somewhat. Could you regularise that a little more?

I'd be interested to see a revision along either or both of those lines.

Cheers

David

[longlonggone]

Hey there. I read your poem with great interest. It's certainly very romantic, perhaps in parts a little too much. There's some imagery, like the wings of the dove for instance that I personally would avoid since it's a very well trodden path in love poetry. If I'm trying to write a love poem ( which ain't often) I always read Lovesong by Ted Hughes. It's romantic and ferocious at the same time and the last line "In the morning they wore each other's face" reminds me of how sometimes very little detail is needed to distill an idea.

I think you managed the rhyming well too but the danger with an A/A/B/B rhymes scheme is that it kind of promotes a lot of caesura where there shouldn't be any- at least to a certain extent. I find it very hard to write fluidly in couplets. Maybe a change in rhyme scheme? I think couplets are like poetic money shots. You need to build up to them a little. Having said that I couldn't write a poem like My Sacred Night in a million years, I can't rhyme for toffee. So well done to you, I'd really like to read some more of your work.

[CharmingPoetess]

Dear All,

After reading the posts, I read through the poem once again and I agree with all the comments. It seems to me that a revision is truly necessary. I thank you all for your advices and will heed them during the amendment of this Poem.

Regards,

CP