The Live Life Deficit

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Post Reply
PhilipCFJohnson
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
Posts: 594
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:28 am
antispam: no
Location: UK

Wed Jul 29, 2009 10:29 pm

Here are the lyrics to a song that wrote yesterday/earlier today. I'm not sure what some of the chords are so I'll do my best, lol.

Here goes:

Intro: D D.ad4 D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 D


Verse 1

D Em7
In the future will we reminisce

C A
About this, about how it is

D Em7
Will we look back at the things we said

C A
Wonder what was in our heads and life we lead

D Em7
Now I look at old photographs

C A
Remember all the times we laughed a dialogue in paragraphs

D Em7
I miss it now I can't return

C A
Forget the things that I have learned from a sun that's long-----burnt.


Verse 2

A7 G A
Take back your blue--- summer sky

A7 Em7 A
I ---- don't need it anymore

A7 G A
Give me my old--- overcoat

A7 Em7 Dmaj7 A
I'll-------go out into the storm--------

Chorus

D D.ad4
Because it's over now. Gone the days of my

D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 D
memories that fade-------to grey

D.ad4
Given time, given

D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 D
energy, will slip--------- away

D.ad4
Good things pass leaving

D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 D
daydreams with bi-------tter tastes

D.ad4
Keep us back form

D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 D
tomorrows that go---------- to waste



Repeat chords from verse 1:

Do I look older? Have I changed?
As I age, will life rearrange?
Is it hard? What goes first?
Does it hurt?
Can you find the words?


Repeat chords from verse 2 (with end):

I don't understand your slow falling snow,
Reminds me of the cotton hearts we tear-----------


Repeat Chords from Chorus:

Because it's over now, blown away
In the autumn. Balanced on the edge of a knife.
Given shape by our dreams, given strength through life
Now I cling to the deficit and dry my hands
That were washed in the oceans of foreign lands


Bridge:

Em7 A
Chasing the shadows Everywhere
Em7 A
I'm scared of my own reflection
Em7 A
Building tomorrows Out of air
Em7 A Dmaj7 A
Based on recollection


Chorus:

Because it's over now. Gone the days of my
memories that fade to grey
Given time, given
energy, will slip away
Good things pass leaving
daydreams with bitter tastes
Keep us back form
tomorrows that go to waste
blown away in the autumn.
Balanced on the edge of a knife.
Given shape by our dreams, given strength through life
Now I cling to the deficit and dry my hands
That were washed in the oceans of foreign lands


Outro:

D D.ad4 D.ad9 Dmaj7sus4 (end abrupt)

_______________________

I'll try and do a recording soon! :D
Last edited by PhilipCFJohnson on Tue Aug 04, 2009 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Specto Nusquam
PhilipCFJohnson
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
Posts: 594
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:28 am
antispam: no
Location: UK

Mon Aug 03, 2009 5:18 pm

Here be-eth the recording!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/xnjv3f

I've managed to get my hands on some better equipment so should sound slightly better than previous recordings of mine!
Specto Nusquam
brianedwards
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 5375
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:35 am
antispam: no
Location: Japan
Contact:

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:46 am

Defecit = Deficit

Don't really understand the title, or the hands washed in the oceans of foreign lands . . . ?

But, overall, I am very impressed. Thanks for posting it.

B.

~
PhilipCFJohnson
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
Posts: 594
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:28 am
antispam: no
Location: UK

Tue Aug 04, 2009 10:48 am

Oops! :oops: All better!

I do the music and then write the lyrics around them so mostly it's just pretty words to go with the chords. :oops:

Cheers Brian. :)
Specto Nusquam
User avatar
marten
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 1019
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:00 am
antispam: no
Location: Seattle

Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:15 pm

Nice job. There isn't much to critique here: I like the chorus a lot, the chords work well together, and the harmonizing is great. In the first verse, there are a couple lines that could be condensed a bit, or word-rearranged, so they flow smoother musically.
Remember all the times we laughed a dialogue in paragraphs
Forget the things that I have learned from a sun that's long-----burnt.

All in all, very well done.

-Marty
Well you know you can't spend what you ain't got,
you can't lose some blues you ain't never had
-Muddy Waters
Post Reply