The girl that got away

[peterkiggin]

The girl that got away



I looked around this lonely place,

My eyes fell on a beautiful face,

Our eyes met and we smiled and looked

Beneath my feet the ground had shook .





This woman with striking features I could'nt calm down

and eyes so deep you could swim in them and not be found

I wanted to touch, but feared she would crumble to the ground

my mind going round and round and round.


You know when you meet a woman meant for you

so I will give this advice to you too

swallow your pride and go over to her

she might have been thinking just what you were.

Realize.

[arunansu]

Peter, a nice piece. But somehow, S1 is not working for me.

But cheer up, you make up for that in S2. The last strophe was beginning to sound a bit "telly" but I feel you've pulled it through.

[Lovely]

great fun Peter in worked for me just love the way you seem to edge this poem on with a gentle brush..


thanks Peter

x

[Susan-Morris3]

awwww soul mate eh! liked the feel good factor of your poem, the only thing i would say is you have eyes in two lines didn't really like that maybe if you could find a different word for one of them would be better ? x

[John G]

Sorry Pete, this really doesn't work for me.

And I guess the only reason for this is I'm not a fan of poems that rhyme at the end of every line – it just feels all to contrived for my liking.

Sorry about that, however like the generally idea behind it though.