The Foundry man.

[Susan-Morris3]

From chimney stalk, pours black volumes of smoke
the foundryman's stoking,
the fire up with coke. The furnace awakes
from cauldron escapes, a wild hissing serpent
thrashing about, white hot with anger
comes slithering out. Encased in its moulding
it settles to sleep, under thundering hammers
repetitive beat. twinkling blue star drops
cascade all around, turn rustic red
as they pepper the ground.
the foundryman's steadily,
holding his grip clenching his teeth,
soaking in sweat, relentlessly wiping,
his face, hands and neck.
Pudding-ball forges, shingling blooms
rabble iron, hot slag and peel, are
the foundryman's battle cry calls,
as he toils, with wrought iron and steel.


Pig iron smelting, steel ever melting
galvanized zinc and cast iron. The rollers
keep winding there long snakes of light,
captivating, sparkling a wondrous sight,
sand beds roughly coated, in dirt grease and grime,
mix with copious fumes, from sulphur and lime.
The man from the foundry-
splutters blood, sweat and spit, caked in dust
grimy with grit, puncherd with shrapnel,
covered in burns, the hand in his pocket
holds hematite pearls. As he walks, feels n ache
from his feet to his shoulders,
from carrying hot iron across from the moulders,
thick stench of sulphur soaked in his bones,
the foundryman's-
making, his weary way home.

[Lovely]

This is a wonder

thank you..............

love you and you

[vintij]

Nice imagry. There are a few akwardly placed couplets/rhymes which adds to the construction like tone in which the whole is not complete, but awaiting completness, awaiting the foundryman to complete the task. Pepper, grip, sweat, cauldron, stoking.....all words that indicate the creation of something or the attempt at creating or making/fixing something. I enjoyed this poem. I would take a look at line two though, "the foundryman stoking, the fire up with coke," the "up" is akwardly placed and the two "the" words make this line flow less fluidly. If you can tie those two together in one line or something it would flow much better.

[Susan-Morris3]

Thank you for your advice vintij and as always love you to lovely x

[David]

Gritty and northern, as ever, Susan. You're doing a grand job, girl. It's very solidly rhythmic, maybe a bit too much, and very rhyme-heavy too, but that seems to be true to its subject. It's sort of Lowry with words, or that's how it appears to me, at least.

Cheers

David

[Susan-Morris3]

Lowry with words, well I will take that as a compliment thank you very much David. Painters and poets go together perfectly. x