I said, I know cats. They come and they go or they stay with you for five
Maybe ten years and then one day you’re looking for them but they don’t show
And never return. They take you for a fool. A mother. A carer. The hand that feeds.
So I said to this cat, no this time there will be no cat flap. No freedom. I will not have you
Coming and going (just as you please) because you see, I don’t want to lose you; not like the last one.
Then every time he was gone or missing or quiet or hidden I would swallow fear in the throat so like a stone and then when he showed up? I would clap my hands and give it some glee and ask him! Just where have you been? Because I was terrified and then being alone and after all – well said, then done – I said, I know you! Cats! You look after them. Feed them. Caress and control. You say NO NO NO! NO NO NO! Knowing, he’s bound to go.
I Know Cats
The lines start long and they just get longer, don't they? I don't like to say poetry "is" or "isn't" this or that, but it probably requires more attention to form than you've given it here. That doesn't mean that you should write a sonnet instead, or even blank verse; just that some judicious cutting and reshaping might sharpen this quite a bit.
Have a go at that, why don't you?
Cheers
David
Have a go at that, why don't you?
Cheers
David
Internally, most of the sentences flow. They're not overly "poetical", but a good base nonetheless in terms of skill. You'd be surprised how many people can't write a sentence.
As David suggested, you shold take a look at the form. Watch out for cliche phrases like "the hand that feeds" too. Such commonly used sayings and the like are generally avoided.
Lastly, think about whether or not capitalizing every line is adding something to the poem that goes beyond your own will simply being applied.
And if you decide to keep that convention (the capitalization one), then enforce it within. S2L3 is lower case.
Welcome to the forum.
As David suggested, you shold take a look at the form. Watch out for cliche phrases like "the hand that feeds" too. Such commonly used sayings and the like are generally avoided.
Lastly, think about whether or not capitalizing every line is adding something to the poem that goes beyond your own will simply being applied.
And if you decide to keep that convention (the capitalization one), then enforce it within. S2L3 is lower case.
Welcome to the forum.
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")