Poetry Forum

Late Flowering Lambretta Lust

Sleekly sixties softly seated
Glory of Italian art,
On the highway 2 stroke steaming,
Incandescent chrome a gleaming,
Burnished up to look the part.

With a myriad of mirrors
Pouting Peacocks pose and preen,
Gazing at their own reflection,
Contemplating Mod perfection,
Bulging stomach can be seen.

Popping pistons chit and chatter
Blue haze hanging in the air,
Heading to where sky do lighten,
Onto Margate, Deal, or Brighton;
But only if the weathers fair.

Roadside coffee conversations
Explanations, hints and tips,
Ask about all things galvanic,
With self taught weekend mechanic,
Several Beers, then fish and chips.

Polished paintwork Li gleaming
Badges glisten dewdrop bright
Checkered mud flaps, polished leather,
Twin Dellorto carburetor,
Late flowering lust, for this Lambretta.

Another good'un Zoot -

'Ask about all things galvanic,
With self taught weekend mechanic'

Inspired. Thanks for posting.

I liked this a lot, zoot, though it smacks of Betjeman applied to lambrettas. Definitely some nice lines. I do think, though, that the homage to rhyme can go too far if the price (as it is in this piece occasionally) is broken rhythm and artificial, archaic construction (e.g. Heading to where sky do lighten). There’s also (but easy fixes) quite a few literals (a-gleaming, weather’s, carburettor, random capitalisation etc).

All the same, lines such as S3L1 (and others) are a pleasure to read: strong assonance, nice flow. In my view, it needs some polish, but it’s undeniably silver beneath the tarnish.

Cheers
peter

Arian wrote:Betjeman applied to lambrettas.

Nothing wrong with that! I think it's admirable, in fact.

Thanks for the comments Wobbly.
Arian, thanks for the great crit, concise and on the money. Polishing rag at the ready. Those literals don't half bug me. Read, read and re read I suppose.
In defense of the line you take as an example, it is based on a memory of riding through the night to a scooter rally and seing dawns first rays in the distance, and I was heading towards Brighton at the time lol!
Thanks again, it's given me the incentive to stop writing more, and to go back and look at what has already been produced.

Thanks David Bad start, sorry

Nicely done, Zoot

That must be some gut if you can see it through a parka

Such beautiful looking machines.

I only had a 150cc model - 50 mph top speed (downhill and if you took the windshield off)
and horseshoe brakes (i.e. the gearbox was the only brake you had) Looking back it was a death-trap!
Style over substance.

As for the poem, well it's all been said.
IMHO it's really rather good, except for :

Heading to where sky do lighten,

- you know you can do better

Geoff

I should clarify that I didn't mean to imply that shades of Betjeman are a bad thing - on the contrary, it was meant as a compliment. David is right.
All the best
peter

I thought this was great except for little bits here and there."chrome is gleaming"?
I'd have thought "bulging stomach can't be seen" would play better.
"where skies will lighten"?
As I say, it's lovely, especially penultimate verse.