Poetry Forum

Who was the common parent of to-days poets?
The scriptures of ancient men, giving their infinite
wisdom, giving their labours too petitioned the
universe. So the poet of today can bring virtue and
naturalness to life. The mileage clock of the poem
shows it travels great distances. Finding a publisher
throwing nettles at your feet, while inspecting your
work, then complete paralysis upon rejection. Then
the manuscript is frog marched to the guillotine. It’s
back with the mournful cry of the timber wolf in winter's
snow a bottle of absinthe and the notorious odour of the
great unwashed, there one is unable to bridal sun and
sky for warmth. And to what great purpose is trying
to unchain the thoughts of Socrates, or Galileo, Joan
of Arc, all intermittently flash to fund the poem then
the endless renovations. For the starting poet
is but a dust hermit in alienation,the inequity in the arid
ruthlessness of living life as a poet. Then the depression
postpone stabilizing the adverse madness. Yet liberation
comes from knowing the international realities of formula,
from which poems are set in stone. you live in a bureaucratic
system of government and their philanthropy the(dole, u2).
And still you write, we must write. tool

I've moved this to beginners as I think you will receive more appropriate feedback here. If you want more considered criticism of it, just say so and it will be done.

Ros

tool

I think you could really make this piece come alive by choosing alternative imagery to some of the off the peg stuff you have used.
Very difficult......starting a piece with a question......sometimes makes a reader.......disengage.......I'm wondering if
another angle is available to you here?

I hope this is appropriate fedback in relation to what you might be looking for..........

Dalena x

delana

thanyou for your critique i will take your
judgment on board,

the poem is to convay the bricks wall you come up against,
the hiding places, the state of being, thr poet,

dear ros

i would like a more considered critism
thank you

Hi tool,

Keep an eye on the spelling and grammar, obviously. Have a think about your line breaks - you've got a lot ending on and and then. It's generally thought stronger to end on a word you want to emphasize. You have some interesting images - perhaps separate them out and remove the 'commentary' - the bits like 'So the poet of today can bring virtue and
naturalness to life.' Try and make the images say it for you so that the reader draws the conclusion you want without you spelling it out. The reader wants to discover the message themselves, not have it thrust at them. Perhaps split this into verses, give it room to breathe a bit?

Yet liberation
comes from knowing the international realities of formula,
from which poems are set in stone. you live in a bureaucratic
system of government and their philanthropy the(dole, u2).

Confess I didn't really understand this part - are you saying the formula for a good poem is set in stone? Wish I knew what it was, if so! Don't think governments care enough about poetry to worry about it, to be honest.

Hope that helps a bit,

Ros

Dear Ros

To write poems all day every day

One needs the government to help, that what I ment



O Rose your logic, and my sophistry,

You sort my scripture with insight and sobriety

This poetry thing attends a person through the days.

And obedience through the night, until light of day stop you writing

The mill wheel of life grind and still one writes nothing;

tool