Poetry Forum

**

maple leaf
a blot of red
on languid river

**

trees, blood-stained
two swans hunt
the murderer

**

mute fire enfolds
a birch; a robin sings
amid the blaze

**

bluebird takes flight
one feather drops down
over leaf-bed

An 'of the cuff' take on this hope you don't mind:-

Mapel leaf, this blot of ruby red on languid river flows,
these trees blood-stained of hurt, the swans discuss the murderer
beneath such waterfalls.

Mute fire intense enfolding the birch
while robin sings ablazed
this glory of a thousand springs
a thousand days it made :

bluebird takes to flight, one leaden
wing is down,
one feather is for comfort......
this murderer needs be found.

It is just what I saw...here......Aru

Beautifully depicted Autumn scene, Aru. A blend of beauty and sinister and an end - red, blood, ablaze.
I usually take 'robin' as a sign of spring, the messenger of spring though.

Cheers,

Lake

Hi Arun,
nice piece of work! Quietly effective. Like the the use of blood and red. I don't see the need to expand the verses.
Where I come from there is a saying, that the redder the breast of a robin, the colder the winter. So I associate the bird with cold.
Kimi

Lovely,
Glad that my poem inspired you to write those beautiful lines. Why don't you post them as a separate poem on the board? Smiles.

Thanks Lake and Kimibob for penning down your thoughts and spending your time here.

Aru,

Something about this reminded me of spring. I enjoyed it and felt the cold crisp air, stillness and the contrast of the blood. Very nice vividness.
I didn't like the tile so well and tripped on the words dropped down. I would have chosen something else, the down seems an abrupt word at the end of the sentence, perhaps?

Anyway, I liked this very much and think that it is one of your richer ones.

Suzanne

Aru, it is 'yours' for the worth: so much heart in you. I will not pull her away from you Aru


best and yours