I
The
Hi,
liked this a lot. It has a good narrative quality that tells a story. Loved the use of a book and it's inner thoughts, could almost be any of us wanting more and waiting for that special someone to break us free?
Just one small thing, I think you have missed a word out,'Just a man comes into the room and walks towards to shelves, the book waits' should there be a 'then' in between, 'Just a man...'?
Like the concrete poem style you have used, it fits nicely with the piece.
Kimi
liked this a lot. It has a good narrative quality that tells a story. Loved the use of a book and it's inner thoughts, could almost be any of us wanting more and waiting for that special someone to break us free?
Just one small thing, I think you have missed a word out,'Just a man comes into the room and walks towards to shelves, the book waits' should there be a 'then' in between, 'Just a man...'?
Like the concrete poem style you have used, it fits nicely with the piece.
Kimi
I agree with Kimibob, Ian, this is a beautiful poem with a great narrative. Is the book a metaphor? I think so! Smiles.
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Ros
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I think this gets more 'poetic' towards the end. The beginning,
The book sits snuggly on the shelf between many other books. It is a large book which contains many words and so it thinks itself, a wise book full of wisdom. However it is not a happy book for it wants to escape and see what lies beyond the shelf. It thinks to itself, 'if I can just move I'll see around.'
if you take the line breaks out reads just like prose, and is only descriptive. I think you need perhaps to personify it a bit more before it works as a poem.
Ros
The book sits snuggly on the shelf between many other books. It is a large book which contains many words and so it thinks itself, a wise book full of wisdom. However it is not a happy book for it wants to escape and see what lies beyond the shelf. It thinks to itself, 'if I can just move I'll see around.'
if you take the line breaks out reads just like prose, and is only descriptive. I think you need perhaps to personify it a bit more before it works as a poem.
Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk