Poetry Forum

Cotton haze surrounds
crisp scent of new rain floats
pure rest in sound sleep.




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Hi Suzanne
nicely lyrical. Is it intended as a 5-7-5? If so, it may be missing a syllable.
All the best
peter

Hi Suzanne, I dont know what a 5-7 is, but I thought ooh how innocent and tranquil. Lovely.

dear suzanne

your literary poem was beautiful

because it told me of what rain can do;

and that freash smell that shift in air;

it was as if the rain came hawking around your sleeping head;

tool

HI,
yes lovely piece, very evocative and clean. If it is a Haiku, 5-7-5, (5 syllables in the firs and last line and 7 in the middle line, to answer Pauline's question), then there is a syllable missing in the middle line. Notwithstanding, this is a very good poem, thank you for it.
Kimi

Beautiful haiku, Suzanne. But since this is haiku, there remanins a scope for making it more compact. Consider this :

cotton haze surrounds
crisp scent of new rain
pure rest in sound sleep

The part "cotton... new rain" is the phrase, and the last line, a fragment. You also can do without punctuations if you want to write classical haiku. A single haiku do not have a title, unlike a string of haiku.

Also, we need not stick to 5-7-5 rule in English. We better keep the total syllable count less than 17.

However, enjoyed very much.

Hello Everyone and thank you for the replies.
It was meant to be a strict 5-7-5 but I changed a word and the last minute and slipped up.

Thank you Aru, for the information on Haiku. It is always good to hear the"rules". You have just taken off the word "floats", which is the word that caused the slip up...
I like it both ways.

No one mentioned the title. Did it suit the poem? The title is very much a part of the whole.
If one is trying to solve a problem, trying to get what they want, when it actually happens.. the issue resolved, the end result attained, there is a good night's rest.

Was that understood?
Suzanne