Poetry Forum

O waves, without your soliloquy
to sound you are dull and dance-less.
Like Blitzkrieg without Blitz or the British
to meet them, even Hitler would lack
the cruel thrill he did indulge upon.

But, if focused on a mornings rise,
though blurry-eyed and half asleep,
revealed is a chance to sympathize.
Strained ears find found but forgotten
a soft surf lapping upon tender shores.

HI Stephen,
some good imagery in this piece, I liked the first two lines the best as they have a good rhythm to them.
I found the rhyming in the second stanza a little odd,it seems to end too abruptly, maybe?
But, if focused on a mornings rise,
though blurry-eyed and half asleep,
revealed is a chance to sympathize.

Also, 'Strained ears find found but forgotten', the 'find' 'found' read strangely to me, but then what do I know?
Loved the last line, trips off the tongue, beautiful.
Kimibob

Steve i have bad lines in in reculver bays. Forgive me.

I like the deepness and to the energy you have delivered.


It moves well as it should

"O waves, without your soliloquy
to sound you are dull and dance-less."

I really like the opening lines of this poem, and then a little messy until the second stanza.
Thankyou
Ian.

In this poem I was exploring the idea of a sarcastic ode. In an attempt to present this I decided to begin flowingly with the imagery of the 'waves', but then present a contrast by leaving the rest of the 1st stanza full of plosive sounds (Blitzkrieg without Blitz... indicating violence, a contrast) and generally have it flow less well. Did i go too far with this and make it messy?

I also intended to end the poem true to an ode, rather than leave it sarcastic, conveying hope. The rhyme here is to indicate the change to a positive tone, maybe that isn't needed?

thanks p.s sorry for the delay in my reply, Internet problems!