Poetry Forum

an almswoman eyes me

her weary grin
makes me part with a few coins

temple bells resonate
i cling to my prayer
the deity keeps smiling gently


One edit: Tense changed from Past to Present

hello arunansu

Great content; the combination of charity and religion is an inseperable one and it's nice to see it used in a poem.
There are many positive points of style that stood out to me but also one that confused. Why did you decide to leave the empty line after the first line? Is it to mark some passing of time between the two moments? Still I think I would have made it all one stanza. However, the second stanza made it for me, I can imagine a slowing of time as each of the observations are felt by the person in the poem.

"the deity kept smiling gently"
This final line is by far the best. It can be read it several ways; a religous reader may see it as comforting, whilst a sceptic may question if the smile isn't almost teasing the person for their devout hope in the deity. Personally I read it both ways and enjoyed the thought it provoked.

good work, dec.

Thank you Gysy Cake for your input. The above poem is based on a personal experience. The questions that evoked in me were: there's the deity, whom we like to believe COULD give all I wish to have, and there's the pauper, virtually living on nothing. I'm glad to bestow her a little bit of money, but am I not, a beggar myself? Am I not begging before the deity? This temple, this 'place of worship', whom should we worship? The Goddess, or the One who resides in each one of us?

The poem is written in Cherita form, which consists of three stanza, the line pattern is 1-2-3. Cherita is narrative-focussed.

Cherita is the Malay word for story or tale. A Cherita consists of a single stanza of a one-line verse, followed by a two-line verse, and then finishing with a three-line verse. It can either be written solo or with up to three partners. Cherita are usually untitled and cherita sequences titled.

For further information, please read Larry Kimmel’s article, Flexible Forms: a personal speculation, and cherita posted on the website titled Cherita.

As Larry Kimmel emphasizes in his article, Flexible Forms: a personal speculation, the cherita is a flexible, narrative short verse form derived from the haiku and tanka traditions. These are no required rules regarding syllable count for each line, whether to use Kigo, etc.

However, based on published cherita and consensus among its practitioners, a well-crafted cherita is inclined to be:

1 narrative-focused
2 imagistic
3 suggestive

And the first stanza sets the scene (or background), the second develops the theme, and the third completes the theme (note: the conclusion is not directed by the author, but reliant on the suggestive power of the juxtaposed/contrasting images in the poem).

Hope that helps.

I love this! You have managed to tell the intended story well in these few lines. Also, you have made this short poem (cherita) atmospheric and meaningful, I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

I had never heard of 'Cherita' poetry before and I found the information you provided on this style really interesting. I think that, as a result of your explanation, I might just have a go at writing one myself!

Thanks for sharing, great write,
firefly

Thanks Firefly. You may search on the Net to get more info on Cherita poems. Smiles.

Another good one Arun and i loved your explanation behind the meaning of it.

Thank you for such a detailed response. Your questions underlying the poem are powerful and I like.
I also hadn't heard of the Cherita format, and would agree that you have made fantastic use of it.

Thank you AnnieCat. Thanks Gypsy Cake.

hello Aru

Oh I could see her!
What a pleasure to be reading you again.
Lovely metaphor and an interesting format too..

mes..

Thanks for visiting here, Mesmie. Smiles.