Poetry Forum

I have no popular estates within me,
it's in nature answers I dwell,
no godly fields of flowers to fun your hands through,
but you dressed in a white, sun shining between
your legs and I shaved,

I wanted your council, but standing before me
you exposed all the enemies hidden in your heart.
now, I find myself wanting your passionate genius,
and you just f%&k with me.

Beautiful you, able to decant the sciences,
expound in a natural philosophy,
competent to sail upon all my surfaces,
but you harbour your vessel, anchor it in your storm,
hold tight to your liberty, give me no latitude.

You are in the wrong country, with the wrong husband,
I can help alleviate these criminal factors
that enter your brain, you need someone
as powerful as you to be passionate with,
for you swell for whomsoever motions your affections,
yet you deny yourself, your writing gives you away.

You plunge me into unenjoyable measurements of my-self,
for I cannot advance you towards a kiss,
nor you would not spend a passionate night with me,
because you don’t trust yourself.

Safe inside your berth I can hide,
but you won’t let me in, off on some stupid discourse
of a nobility or feline delight you float,
I'm here to f%&k you, not f%&k with you.

Think back on me with your head,
let us drift awhile in your fur lined delight
under the open galaxies, ice creams in hand
into a long night, let's take your ship out,
we'll row in systematic abilities, leave the rocky shores,
keep our socks on the oars to stop the ripples
until we cease the rocking of your boat.



((((Joy two moons)))

Revelations Joy, you have expressed yourself here as you do mostly.

The emotions are somewhat mixed about but the integrity still pronounces itself. I wonder if that person out there is aware of the
artistic way you express your feelings?

It's good to see you releasing yourself and letting it all hang out. Any good artist will essay to do.

Mixed emotions but pleasant never the less. "you exposed all the enemies hidden in your heart" well, this is good

thanks for the time and read Joy...........enjoyed
.

hello Joy two moons

Thoroughly enjoyed this. So many good lines..in the wrong country with the wrong husband.. I agree some of the emotions are a little mixed up but at the same time..I guess they would be Didn't deter from the reading though..

warmly
mes x

I feel privileged to have seen this poem, for I found it intensely moving, and hope, at some time in the future to see it published in a recognised collection. An editor might query phrases like ".. dressed in a white, " (L5) and might suggest that "council" should be "counsel" (L7) and wonder whether "decant" (L11) was not a typo, and originally intended to be "descant". But these are minor pedantic quibbles when read in the context of the passion and clear-sighted evocation of a painful situation.

The way the poem moves from admiration of the intellect and appearance of the beloved other to the passonate realisation of not a loss, so much as failure to gain a desired response is in itself moving. For the beloved does not refuse to respond, but does so in a way that denies joyousness to the lover in a manner almost teasingly cruel. This leads the poet to the powerful double meaning of
"I'm here to f**k you" (L29)
which both offers the beloved the ultimate perfection of affectionate intimacy, but also asserts a strong desire (only half consciously, perhaps) to inflict a vengeful hurt.

The final stanza provides a less fierce, but most touching coda to the extreme passions preceding it. An almost child-like evoking of delights gives the poem anending that does not insist on closure. The passion and the hurt will remain.

This is one for my personal anthology.

Crusty your comment absolute. You have exposed your heart to us with a love. What could be better? I could think of worse but I don't wish to....

hey you..

I find this sort of enchanting, very good in parts, in others not so. Be interesting to see it revisited and some of the errors corrected.
"no godly fields of flowers to fun your hands through" that fun is terrific.
I presume you mean "counsel" not council, though with the "popular estates" of the opening line I did wonder if some urban allegory was afoot!
I really enjoyed the lines from "Beautiful you... to ....wrong husband" but the remainder of that 4th verse isn't nearly so good.
I think you want "nor would you spend a passionate night..." and that's passionate three times mentioned now!
keep our socks on the oars to stop the ripples! What's that about?

Very romeo and juliet to me. Forbidden love. This is so exciting. I feel your frustration.

Enjoyed your poem. The frustration is evident, throughout. Loved the lines:

you harbour your vessel, anchor it in your storm,
hold tight to your liberty, give me no latitude

Thanks for this.