Poetry Forum

This Fantasic Garden

Who cares to walk in this fantasic garden
among the steel anemones, may talk
(if he has learned their private language)
with wire-tongued mocking birds;
or by alternate paths
descend into a pleasaunce of wax roses
centred about a fishpond filled with ink
where nymphs, cast in translucent candy, stare
impassively at little plaster fish.

Who plots escape from this fantastic garden
feels the cold webs of brass swans grip his nape,
(they take their orders from the management)
while clockwork frogs betray
his secret tunnelling.
Revolving squads of plastic marmosets
force-feed him mud and paper cabbages,
until the hairy crocodiles decide
that he is sick enough to be paroled.

Who dares observe from this fantastic garden
the painted galaxies that do not swerve
(nor move in paths that can be understood)
discovers one thing more -
Stars are more numerous
outside the gates. Indolent centipedes
propagate rumours that inhabitants
who lust for constellations and break out
will starve to death in avenues of light.

I quite like this, strangely enough. It sounds like some weird video game or summat lonely people play.Or maybe you have a big garden and take lots of drugs?
There's a few lines, I think, where you're overdoing the weird,and the description becomes a little farcical, notably:the cold webs of brass swans grip his nape.

This is good Ok. Love it. Me and Beck

You

Weird images. This reads as if you are speaking about the 'artificial' life style that we 'civilized' ones lead these days. Not sure whether I'm getting it right. May be a couple of re-reads would help. Smiles.

Hi Crustyman ,

Welcome on board. Is this a kind of form poem? I ask because the three stanzas look very identical.
You have rich imagery, some intresting words and phrases like Indolent centipedes /propagate rumours that ...
It doesn't sound like a fantastic garden, an irony, perhaps?

Enjoyed reading it.

Lake

Iam criting this not because you gave me a good criting!

Im criting this because i really enjoyed it,

I find its about a person in jail, there are just so many goods lines,
The person in jail, has an ill fortune and disposition, but the mind is alive,
To right down every line i liked would have me writing the whole poem,

Joy two moons