Poetry Forum

I strive to thrive and so i survive
Do not try to break me, you
narrow minded fool.


When i'm kept in torment
just awaiting you, my heart is breaking
don't you know?
Then all you do is seek another;

But in my dreams i love you
as so close you hold me
alas then you let me go.

I throw to you an adornment
a gift of mine
a keep safe for all of time.

It was my heart you fool
and then you let me go.

S3 is power Annie.

You are finding being in self very dear friend. You take care of friend leave me alone
I guess thats my fate....I don't mind as long my poets are OK . Don't ever care about me though
you more important... so sorry. The fool is the best no weight on the chest!

Thanks for your time in reading this

I like the way you say: "You Fool"! You have chosen simple words, yet effective. Enjoyed.

Thank you Arun, glad you liked it

Annie,

A start, a stop and a wounded heart - the symbolisation of commitment here is strong to me, and the lack of through ignorance is always painful; your words do well for me, to capture the elements of a commonplace sitaution where perception is reality until the individual is shaken. I would alter this slightly if I had written it myself, but that is only because of personal feelings surrounding the targeted issues which would have been customised to my circumstance of thought at the time. Nice work!

Grant

Hya Grant thank you for reading this, it was off the cuff...seems to be a common thing on here these days........smiles guys
I should like you....Grant to re-work this or edit it for me, as you wish, from your feelings/perspective mabe. AC

Maybe I'll take a stab at doing that, thanks! Just bear with me a little while though. : )

I shall await this, have fun and thanks

Annie, here comes what I have; I don't think it is any better, and, in fact, the more I read my changes the more I realise I'm probably just filling it with my own bad habits and inexperiences in poetic word; regardless, here goes with it fitting to me slightly more personally:

I strive for fruition but only survive,
Do not try to break me now,
You narrow minded fool.

In hogan, when I'm cast to torment,
Just awaiting with heart breaking,
I know you know; and ex-lovers you house.

But in my dreams I love you,
As so close you hold me,
Alas, then you let me go.

I threw to you an adornment,
An exclusivity of mine,
Not intended, but conceded, a relic of our time.

It was my heart you fool,
And then you let me go.

Thanks for giving me this oppertunity, and I hope I didn't abuse your poem!

Oh Annie.
you wear your heart on you sleeve.
I found this heartbreaking.
Get tough girl.
and don't let him take the piss.
Let him know that he is the one missing out.
Why is he looking for beefburgers,
when he has steak at home.

Pauline, hello dear, thanks for reading this, i'm waiting to read a new post or two from you...also, i'm just filling in the gaps whilst people are away from here
And that guy, i kicked him out a long time ago and yes he tried, and went for the burgers (the fool):lol:

Hi, Grant, thanks for having a go and giving it your time, i hope you had fun with it, as you see i have picked out what i like or not as the case mabe. well done (It would be good to to see if other poets here, have an opinion on this, and i welcome all crits )

I strive for fruition but only survive,................................mabe...i strive (with) frustration but only survive
Do not try to break me now,
You narrow minded fool.

In hogan, when I'm cast to torment,......................i'm not sure what is...in hogan? i'm a bit thick lol
Just awaiting with heart breaking,
I know you know; and ex-lovers you house..............not sure on this line?

But in my dreams I love you,
As so close you hold me,
Alas, then you let me go.

I threw to you an adornment,...................................yes (threw) is better
An exclusivity of mine,...........................................like this
Not intended, but conceded, a relic of our time.......................and this is good.

It was my heart you fool,
And then you let me go............................................i'm thinking perhaps it should be.....and then you let (it) go

Thanks for giving me this oppertunity, and I hope I didn't abuse your poem![/quote]

Hi Annie,

I have to admit this isn't really my cup of poetic poison, but I love the honesty of the piece, nontheless. Sometimes, simple words and serve emotion best, and that certainly shines through here - thanks for sharing!

D.

Thanks and welcome Durante