Poetry Forum

Holy mother where are you
seen stars falling from the sky,
Holy mother, can't stop from crying
need your help this time to get me through this lonely night.
Holy mother here this prayer: and take away the pain.
No longer my legs will run.


Holy mother, hear my cry, know you
are somewhere out there....dear mother

Dave,

I like the display of a faith in respect of the subject of that faith being able to have a potential to ease suffering.
There are a couple of grammatical anomalies that hinder the read, the fist of which occurs line one- two and three-four are potentially confusing in respect of possession where the comma occurs. I can see the application of non inclusion of directly attributing certain parts of the poem to the narrator in a concrete way make the read carry more empathy. Good to see you posting.

kind regards

Danté

Very dear Dante, so sorry I am not long here but will never leave you promise. No longer now.

I am riddled with (tumours) I just know longer how.



So sorry, Dante.

Thanks

Hello Lovely,

I also like the religion in the poem. I like the calling to the 'holy mother', because I like to think that female spirits surround us all, and help during those 'lonely' nights. Is this The Virgin Mary, or someone else?
I think the fourth line is a bit too long, you could split it up?
Also the puncuation is a bit confusing. Should there be a question mark somewhere in the first lines?
But I think there is room for mystical poetry, if you agree that it's mystical. I personally don't like 'ordinary' or everyday poetry, where the poet describes everyday happenings, so I enjoyed yours.