Poetry Forum

SELECT tee_shirt FROM drawer
WHERE last_washed IS NOT NULL
AND logo LIKE '%Zepp%'


Riddled with technology,
and Faded Black (the new Black),
behold server-room guy.

He hides behind logins,
and super-accounts;
a bug-eyed techno-deity.

Today, he shall housekeep
mailfiles and network shares;
everyone was warned.

Ipod and accidental pony-tail in place,
and supping a fourth espresso,
he calmly pecks his DELETE key.

My work-life balance topples,
links estrange and threads unfurl;
free space replaces free time.

Overtime quota in-place,
and satisfied with disc-optimisation;
he cringes once more from the evening sunlight.


Public Procedure get_home (self as char)
..........dim busqueue as long
..........SLEEP = TRUE
End Procedure


- Neil

Wow, the first of a tech poem, Neil? Smiles. I loved how you've used an SQL command in the beginning. Yes, we ARE being too mechanical, aren't we? BTW, your son looks like a genius in the picture! Lol.

He hides behind logins,
and super-accounts;
a bug-eyed techno-deity.
- My fav lines.

Loved the ending too.

Enjoyed this a lot, Neil

Ros

Hi Neil

I confess I started reading this with a sense of trepidation, a sort of ghastly deja vu, after the mind-numbingly awful technical tour de forces of the now long-gone (I hope) LaMinh (over a year ago now, I think).

But I was pleasantly surprised. I think this is nicely written and enjoyable, with no little wit and invention. I spent a bit of time trying to decide whether you get away with the switch between third and first person (s6), and decided you do. It works.

Good stuff
peter

Yep, good stuff Neil, but I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Now that would be something to behold. What we have is fun and enjoyable - and I'm a great fan of enjoyable fun - but that would have been spectacular.

Any chance?

Cheers

David

David wrote:I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Any chance?

That was precisely what I was afraid we were going to get - LeMinh II.

David perhaps liked his stuff, but - sorry - I thought it was unmitigated, meaningless twaddle.

Happy to be a lone voice on this, though.

Cheers
peter

calmly pecking the delete key-ooooh-I love that bit.

Are you of an age to remember Professor Yaffle? I had a vivid image of something clockwork....showing my age

jacq

Arian wrote:

David wrote:I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Any chance?

That was precisely what I was afraid we were going to get - LeMinh II.

David perhaps liked his stuff, but - sorry - I thought it was unmitigated, meaningless twaddle.

Happy to be a lone voice on this, though.

Cheers
peter

Ah, now, I don't want to vilify LeMinh retrospectively, particularly as you're making such a good job of it yourself, Peter, but I thought Neil's first stanza had a humour and wry self-awareness that I don't remember being one of LM's defining characteristics. Quite a different thing.

David wrote:Ah, now, I don't want to vilify LeMinh retrospectively

Can't see why not, David. If anything deserves retrospective vilification, it's his work. Unfortunately, you're hampered by being pleasant and a gentleman. Luckily, I suffer from neither disability.

I thought Neil's first stanza had a humour and wry self-awareness

True, true.

that I don't remember being one of LM's defining characteristics.

Again, true.

Stiil, I think Neil's got it about right, as it is.

Cheers
peter

Thanks, everyone.

Aru: Thanks, friend. I'm glad you liked it. It's not a clear picture in my avatar, but my baby is a little girl .

Jacq: Yeah, I was scared of Prof Yaffle when I was a wee boy; found him a bit creepy.

Peter / David: My original plan was to write this all as code, using different programming languages. However, it became clear that I didn't have either the writing-skills or pregramming knowledge to do so . I think it could be extended to include more code-blocks, however I can't see an easy way to tell the story in code without it all becoming messy and contrived. I think it might also lose some of it's humour if I tried. There are only so many puns available. I've already taken a few liberties with the accuracy/syntax of the code . I'll defo have a think about the comments you've both made... they may not be incompatible.

Cheers again.

- Neil.