Poetry Forum

.
.
.
To spend the morning writing,
that was the plan.
Notebook laid out
with its pen,
before bed,
the alarm
set.

And when the morning came I brewed
strong black coffee,
a writers coffee,
and I sat
and I watched
that special, gentle,
early light and thought, Why write?

So gearing up with chainsaw and axe
I roared through the morning
with the burnt
biscuit
smell of old oak.
Splitting it into billets until
my muscles burned and blocked the guilt
.
.
.
.
.

ash it's good . You need to speak to me somewhat..........like you

I have said this again and again I love my David, a brilliant poet........love him Always


me
I will take of him.....



Grazy me

Nash,
much sharper if you cut the first 2 stanzas in my opinion. The title carries the essence of those stanzas which much greater economy. If mine I would cut them, replace "so" with "because" and bring "biscuit" up to the end of the previous line: taking a line of its own has a somewhat comic effect that I am pretty sure is unintentional.

Great sonics in the last couple of lines. Nice.

B.

Hi, Nash

I agree with Brian about the sonics.

What I like most about this piece is the gentle humour, especially "a writer's coffee" and the writer feeling guilty that he couldn't write a poem ab initio, on demand, yet by engaging in another activity he was able to relate the two experiences and come up with a poem about it. It's almost a koan.

Geoff

Hi Nash,

I was trying to work out what Brian meant by starting with because, but it finally twigged and yeh that really hits the spot when you read it like that, it accentuates that great line roared through the morning, & burnt biscuit sounds good on the tongue. I enjoyed this very very much.

I think you captured this well Nash. "it's" line four? its ?

It read pretty well to me with either the first or last verse dropped and as a whole.

thanks

Danté

Thanks for your comments everybody.

Brian and Tess - I may be being really dim, but how would it significantly change it by replacing 'so' with 'because'? I've being trying to figure it out but honestly can't! Help!

I'm glad the humour came through Geoff. That's interesting about koans, I really hadn't considered that when I wrote it.

Thanks Dante, glad you liked it. Those pesky apostrophe's get me every time!! Thanks for pointing it out, it's now edited.

It would explain the title.

Gem of a write, Nash. I can relate to it. No nits from me. Smiles.

Nash,

Somehow, I missed this poem on the scroll so I thought I'd let you know how much I liked it. Whether it is how much you don't say or your subtle word choices, a characteristic "you" comes through your writing. You are a flannel shirt, leather gloves, big boot sort of man, it seems.

This is another good example of it. I am sure we can all picture you with the woodpile easier than with the pen and yet! it it is your talented pen which makes that possible.

I loved "a writers coffee", I need some of that.

Thanks for the read.
Suzanne

Thank'ee kindly Suzanne.

Yea! that "writer's coffee" I need a bucketful I think. Really enjoyed this Nash. How I can identify with those first two stanzas. Sadly in my case I never seem to do anything useful instead of writing. Usually it's a case of slobbing in front of the telly with a mug of the bog standard nescafe

Cheers Kev, glad you liked it.

?

New here, so apologise in advance for my nonsense. I loved the fact that I could smell your poem, the coffee, the wood, even the room with the waiting sheet of paper, it made me part of it. Sense of smell so very important!! Never known that induced in quite this way.

Hi Nash,
I'm new

Yours is the first poem I have read on the forum and I love it

Esp 'with the burnt biscuit smell of old oak' Lovely. xx

Thanks folks!

NickyB - Good to meet you. That's not nonsense at all, it's such a compliment, really appreciate it.

Lo-lee-ta - Good to meet you too, glad you liked it.

Welcome to the site both of you, why don't you introduce yourselves in the 'Hello, Good Evening and Welcome' section, we're friendly people (mostly)!

No need feeling guilty if your experience produced this great piece. No nits from me at all. We've all been there so you didn't have to worry about engaging with the reader. I always find I write the best when I haven't got a pen on me!! hehe. Has anyone ever tried writing a poem as a text message on your mobile? Don't go there, believe me........

Pete

Cheers Pete, glad you liked it.

rantingpete wrote:I always find I write the best when I haven't got a pen on me!!

I think poets are worse than fishermen when it comers to 'the one that got away'!

Hello
what I enjoyed about this piece of writing - (the poet, in the end, did write) -
is the voice, the tone and slow rhythm of the words.
I'm unsure about this part ....

and I sat
and I watched
that special, gentle,
early light and thought, Why write?

How about pruning this down to

sat in that special, gentle,
early light and thought, Why?

Just to be picky - does writers need an apostrophe (writers' coffee)?

Again, I find the poem quite original,
coffee and all, and also appealing.

Best
Maria